The Worst Things In Life Are Also Free

Mind Two:

You know that saying "the best things in life are free"? Well, I have a saying to go along with it. The worst things in life are also free.

Has anyone else noticed that? I mean sure, happiness and love and sometimes even puppies are free, but so is running, spiders, and chores. Let me show you a little comparison to prove my point.

Happiness vs. Running

Happiness is great. It is probably the best emotion you can feel. It's like your soul is wearing it's best pair of jeans AND carrying around 6 puppies. While your in the president's private jet eating lobster and caviar and other highly expensive foods. You get the picture.

Running is like getting both your arms amputated because of a shark attack and then being asked to play in the NFL. How are you supposed to tackle people? Or catch the ball? What other possibilities are there for you in life besides learning to brush you hair with your toes and having Bethany Hamilton teach you how to surf? None. At. All.

Love vs. Spiders

Being in love is magnificent. Your always smiling and never cranky and Mondays don't even seem like a challenge anymore. The rest of the world really hates you because you can make it through a Monday without making one snide comment or one sarcastic remark or throwing a pencil at someone. Your just walking around all googly-eyed and oblivious.

Spiders are probably the scariest thing ever invented. Worse than the Loch Ness Monster and Barney and swine flu all combined. As a very smart person once said, "Spiders are like little pieces of death wrapped in scary." And that is probably the smartest thing I have ever heard someone say. They are worse than being sent to bed without dessert and having to be nice to your sibling and doing community service because you accidentally killed someone you didn't really care for with a firecracker. Let's just say they are worse than everything.

Puppies vs. Chores
Everybody loves puppies. If you don't, you were probably Hitler in a previous life. Or just really, really, really, really mean. Puppies are the clouds on Earth. They are like little tiny puffballs that you just want to eat up. But that would make you Hitler too.

Chores suck. If you get paid for them, they aren't nearly as bad, but without the money, there is no point. I don't know about you, but when I have to do my chores, I can relate to how Harry Potter felt when he almost got his soul sucked out by a death-eater. Except chores are probably worse.

Mind one.

Glitter vs. Bruises
Glitter is great!!! No one hates glitter, even vampires like to sparkle, and they're supposed to be undead creatures of the night! Have a crappy campaign post? Glitter!!! Need to spice up your boring carpet? Glitter!! Need to cover up your hangover? Glitter!!!
Glitter fixes everything, its the duct tape of craft supplies. Wait, duct tape is the duct tape of craft supplies...oh that's awkward...

Bruises. No one wants bruises, not even vampires, and they're dead. When you get a bruise, you better pray to God that it's in some area that the public cannot see, because if its visible everyone and their secret lover wants to jab it repeatedly while chanting, "Does this hurt??".

Also.  Herpes. Enough said.