I officially hate birds. And not the big mean ones that poop on your head and dive at you to try and eat your face off. No, the little cute ones that are all cheery and sing happy bird songs and are happy all the frickin' time. Before you go all hater on me, let me explain.
My room is separate from the rest of the house and it gets very hot up there during summer, so I installed one of those really crappy window air conditioners that you see in trailer houses (I am pretty sure it came from our trailer house, which was a temporary thing and I am not trailer trash). Well, it doesn't fit in the whole window so there are these accordian shades that are sideways which come out and protect your room from gigantic bugs and spiders and rapists trying to sneak in.
This air conditioner sits on my window which has a ledge. Where a bird has decided to build her nest. I'm pretty sure it's a girl because why would the guy be making the nest? Unless Mrs. Birdy ordered him to. Anyway, the bird decided to start this project at 9 p.m. when I had to be up at 5 the next morning. I was not pleased. I was almost asleep and then this bird comes out of nowhere and decides to be Mrs. Chatty Cathy. I was beyond mad. I mean this bird will not shut up. Not even for one second. Strike One birdy.
I had to solve this problem because I needed to be able to be semi-functioning tomorrow and that was not going to happen if I didn't get some sleep soon. I needed to get rid of this bird. I scanned the room and it came to me. Throw something at the bird!! I then kept looking for something that would make it to the window without having to get out of bed and throw it and something that was heavy enough to scare it. Then I saw them. My nail clippers. A few pairs of them lying RIGHT NEXT TO MY BED. Right there. Screaming throw me! So I did. And I didnt hit the bird through the accordion sideways window shades, I hit the wall (which is why I don't play softball). But the bird did screech at me then fly away. (I'm pretty sure it was cussing me out.) Then I rolled over and went to sleep. Only to be woken up 15 minutes later by the happy chirping that comes with nest building. Then I screamed a few choice words that would have made my mother proud. Or not. I looked around for my nail clippers and found I was out of ammo. So I had to get out of bed to pick them up and reload. Then I threw them at the bird until it flew away and I went to sleep until it woke me up again. This went on till about 11:30. Strike Two.
The bird tried to break into my room so I put the iron in front of the side shades to it couldn't peck through. I should have this bird thrown in jail for almost breaking and entering. Strike Two and a Half.
Then, this lovely bird finally quit chirping and being happy. At 11:30 but I chose to make the most of it and get as much sleep as possible until 5 am came. Stupid early work. I don't understand why everyone who drinks coffee has to drink it at 6 am. Anyway, this bird resumed its nest building at 4:30 in the morning. DO YOU REALIZE HOW EARLY THAT IS?!?!?! I DON'T THINK YOU DO!! BECAUSE IT IS REALLY FRIGGIN EARLY!!! Sorry about the screaming. So I tried to throw some more things at it but it still wouldn't go away. So I got up and showered and left. Just let me remind you, I got a total of 5 HOURS of sleep because of a BIRD!! Strike Three.
Now you will understand how much I hate this bird. And its killing me because it is kind of cute. But all I have to say to this bird is watch out because a bullet may be headed your way.
UPDATE: We had a really bad windstorm the other day and the birds nest got blown away. I haven't heard from them in a really long time. Life is good again. Also, I wanted to wait till the mother bird came back and then run outside and stomp all over whatever eggs got thrown to the ground and then yell "Take that, you dumbass bird!!!" like a boss, but I couldn't find the eggs so I settled for just the yelling.
Mind one.
I'd like to say I feel sorry for you, and that your trials with this bird make me feel pity for you, but really they just amuse me. Also, I enjoy how I had to come up with the title here. So, just for you, funny bird pictures.
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