What Goes Around...

Mind two:
Karma is REAL!! I swear by it. I didn't used to believe, but now, I am really scared that all the mean things I have ever said are going to come back and bite me in the butt.

Back when school was still session, and we had the evil PE class, Mind One fell against one of the benches in the weight room. It gave her a really nasty cut on the back of her leg which looked something like this:

I spent weeks making fun of her for this. I told her it looked like she got shanked and then punched. I started laughing every time I saw it. I was merciless. Now, something extremely similar has happened to me. I was babysitting and took one too many steps backward while I was playing outside with the kids and fell on top of a piece of plywood. I know it sounds ridiculous, but it wasn't laying flat on the ground, it was standing up and I hit my thigh right on the corner. It was about half the size as Mind One's, but it hurt like crazy and now it looks like this:

So Mind One, now I look like I got stabbed and punched by a baby. Go ahead, make all the jokes you want, I won't be offended, I deserve them anyway. Freaking Karma.


Mind one here.

I'd love to laugh at you, and make fun of you, and generally just pay you back for all your shenanigans, but then I'd hurt myself again. So I will just point and laugh from a distance, and tell you that the drawing of your cut...looks like sperm. That is all.

Mind Two:
Oh crap. I was thinking it looked like somebody shanked me with a pencil. What it is with us and sperm??


Mind one.
You've been seeing some strange pencils....spermcil?

Mind Two:
Yes. A spermcil. I shall now call all of my pencils spermcils. My mom is going to be so proud.

Mauritius

Mind one.

Alright, I've got a serious problem. I love seeing where the Blogzies are from, and today I found a reader from...Mauritius. I was confused. I had never heard of this place, honestly I didn't even know it existed. I'm still confused. For those of you too lazy to actually google this. It's a teeny tiny, like speck of spit of an island, of the coast of Madagascar, which isn't that large of an island either, but its off the coast of Africa, which is huge. Mauritius has like, six cities. It's tiny. It's 781 square miles. Let's put some perspective in this. Malhuer county, where the minds live is 9,930 square miles. New york city is 6,720 square miles. This island, is tiny. It was the only known home of the Dodo bird. When explorers first found this island, there wasn't a native population, but since then the island has been settled. Which saddens me slightly cause I was hoping that a random Dodo had survived and was reading the blog. This island is a serious tourist spot for the rich and famous. (Orlando Bloom if your vacationing their. MIND ONE LOVES YOU!!!!)

 Anyways, this is all I've learned today, but at least its something. You my lonely friend! Keep reading.

Well this blog post turned into a school report. I'm just gonna stop now. Mind two your turn!!

Mind Two:
I will fix this.

This island that Mind One speaks of is clearly an island that is owned by someone. (This is where Mind two had stopped when Mind One checked back in. Mind one was not amused....maybe a little.)

Mind one...

I enjoy how you "fixed this"...

Mind two:
Mind One screw you. I wasn't done my computer was being retarded and I had to quit.

Mind Two Continued:
I have this plan where I go to college and then get my dream job and then sell some really dumb invention (think "Snuggie") and become a billionaire and then buy an island and have a beach house there with a spiral staircase and a slide for when you don't feel like walking down the stairs (which is often for me). Anyway, this island is clearly like mine will one day be. And it has a pretty badass name. Also like mine. Privately owned by some lucky guy who got rich quick and didn't know what to do with his money. The whole letting stars vacation there is a pretty swell idea (notice how I refrained from saying great).

"I tink I taw a puddy ta-" "SHUT THE HELL UP!"

Mind Two:
I officially hate birds. And not the big mean ones that poop on your head and dive at you to try and eat your face off. No, the little cute ones that are all cheery and sing happy bird songs and are happy all the frickin' time. Before you go all hater on me, let me explain.

My room is separate from the rest of the house and it gets very hot up there during summer, so I installed one of those really crappy window air conditioners that you see in trailer houses (I am pretty sure it came from our trailer house, which was a temporary thing and I am not trailer trash). Well, it doesn't fit in the whole window so there are these accordian shades that are sideways which come out and protect your room from gigantic bugs and spiders and rapists trying to sneak in.

This air conditioner sits on my window which has a ledge. Where a bird has decided to build her nest. I'm pretty sure it's a girl because why would the guy be making the nest? Unless Mrs. Birdy ordered him to. Anyway, the bird decided to start this project at 9 p.m. when I had to be up at 5 the next morning. I was not pleased. I was almost asleep and then this bird comes out of nowhere and decides to be Mrs. Chatty Cathy. I was beyond mad. I mean this bird will not shut up. Not even for one second. Strike One birdy.

I had to solve this problem because I needed to be able to be semi-functioning tomorrow and that was not going to happen if I didn't get some sleep soon. I needed to get rid of this bird. I scanned the room and it came to me. Throw something at the bird!! I then kept looking for something that would make it to the window without having to get out of bed and throw it and something that was heavy enough to scare it. Then I saw them. My nail clippers. A few pairs of them lying RIGHT NEXT TO MY BED. Right there. Screaming throw me! So I did. And I didnt hit the bird through the accordion sideways window shades, I hit the wall (which is why I don't play softball). But the bird did screech at me then fly away. (I'm pretty sure it was cussing me out.) Then I rolled over and went to sleep. Only to be woken up 15 minutes later by the happy chirping that comes with nest building. Then I screamed a few choice words that would have made my mother proud. Or not. I looked around for my nail clippers and found I was out of ammo. So I had to get out of bed to pick them up and reload. Then I threw them at the bird until it flew away and I went to sleep until it woke me up again. This went on till about 11:30. Strike Two.

The bird tried to break into my room so I put the iron in front of the side shades to it couldn't peck through. I should have this bird thrown in jail for almost breaking and entering. Strike Two and a Half.

Then, this lovely bird finally quit chirping and being happy. At 11:30 but I chose to make the most of it and get as much sleep as possible until 5 am came. Stupid early work. I don't understand why everyone who drinks coffee has to drink it at 6 am. Anyway, this bird resumed its nest building at 4:30 in the morning. DO YOU REALIZE HOW EARLY THAT IS?!?!?! I DON'T THINK YOU DO!! BECAUSE IT IS REALLY FRIGGIN EARLY!!! Sorry about the screaming. So I tried to throw some more things at it but it still wouldn't go away. So I got up and showered and left. Just let me remind you, I got a total of 5 HOURS of sleep because of a BIRD!! Strike Three.

Now you will understand how much I hate this bird. And its killing me because it is kind of cute. But all I have to say to this bird is watch out because a bullet may be headed your way.

UPDATE: We had a really bad windstorm the other day and the birds nest got blown away. I haven't heard from them in a really long time. Life is good again. Also, I wanted to wait till the mother bird came back and then run outside and stomp all over whatever eggs got thrown to the ground and then yell "Take that, you dumbass bird!!!" like a boss, but I couldn't find the eggs so I settled for just the yelling.

Mind one.

I'd like to say I feel sorry for you, and that your trials with this bird make me feel pity for you, but really they just amuse me. Also, I enjoy how I had to come up with the title here. So, just for you, funny bird pictures.

 And now for the racist comment you were all waiting for!!

Sadly, my day requires pants.

Mind Two:

I hate those days where as soon as you get up, you have this immediate feeling of dread because you know you have to put on pants. Just me? Well I still think pants are ridiculous. They aren't even that comfortable. Sure, they are considered casual, but not as casual as sweats. I would wear sweats every day of the week if my brother would stop telling me I looked like a homeless grandma the minute I put them on.

There are only two great things about jeans. First, they make you look fantastic. Have you ever heard of someone checking out a girl in sweats? No. It doesn't happen. Second, I can't think of another reason. They still pretty much suck.

And what about shorts? Those things are amazing. Way more comfortable than pants and they make most people look better. Shorts are pants made awesome. It's like all of the greatness of pants made simpler. I think everyone should start wearing shorts, even when it's cold. Maybe then Mother Nature would get the message that we don't want it to be cold and start making it summer all year long. Then school would get cancelled and students everywhere would rejoice. There is no downfall to this.

Mind one:

Screw pants!!!! Whoooooo!!! NO MAS PANTELONES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I would be so excited if we didn't have to wear pants. I mean, I love my Wranglers to death, and they make my butt look great!!! Moving past that. I don't have a brother to tell me I look like a homeless grandma, I do however have a Step boyfriend that tells me I look like hobo hooker. So it's a great compromise. But come on people, lets start a revolution!! Pants off rebels!

Its true that jeans do nice things for your rear, but if we had horizontal butt-cheeks, this would be a moot point. BECAUSE HOW THE HELL WOULD PANTS FIT THEN!!!! Yet another reason I should be in charge.

Shorts are great, they show off your legs, and make you look like beach girl barbie. Plus you get a tan, whats to not like? I wear shorts all the time.

What about tights? They give you the coverage of tights, but you can basically feel totally naked. Freakin awesome!!! I wear tights and a long t-shirt, and feel completely free, yet, I'm completely covered. Yoga pants are the same way, you feel naked, but your not!!! (Mind Two adding here. Yoga pants are seriously my favorite things ever. They are super comfy, but let me warn you guys, don't be fooled just because they look like sweats. Yoga pants are like a Wonder Bra for your ass.)

Mother nature needs some Midol, a heating pad, and a cold margarita, then maybe she would make it summer all year long. There is no downfall at all, it's the answer to every ones problems. Except, lets make it snow somewhere random, like Haiti, or South Africa. Just screw with the world.

Dogs...not the brightest.

Mind one.

Here I go again, writing a post that mirrors a Hyperbole and a Half post. (Those words are blue for reason...click it to read the post that inspired this one.) That post, is completely true. Dogs are idiots. Man's best friend they may be, and I love them to death, but seriously. I'll explain.

Out at my dads house live two very different dogs. The only legitimate connection between these two dogs that I can find, is that they are black. The first dog, is part dinosaur. Alright, not really, but this dog is massive. Like, paws the size of dinner plates, Dogzilla. She has this think fluffy fur that sticks up everywhere and makes her look like a small bear cub. She is also the laziest dog I have ever come into contact with. If she's thirsty instead of standing up to walk the five steps to her water bowl, she will roll, flop and do the dog version of an army crawl to get to it. It takes twice as long, and somewhere around four times as much energy but hey! she didn't have to stand up so Dogzilla wins!!

In any case, obviously Dogzilla isn't completely scary, seeings how the energy it would take her to maul you greatly exceeds that of the energy required to stand up for a drink of water, so I feel safe.

Dog number two.

The second dog is small, sleek haired and altogether more..well..Dog-like than Dogzilla. However, second dog is wired. Everything that passes infront of him is of monumental importance. He approaches life like a two year old strung out on cocaine and pixie sticks. Sticks, rocks, dirt, Dogzilla, horses, everything, large or small shorts his brain out and sends him into a fit of ecstasy. Because of his constant state of joy, he bounces everywhere. Instead of taking normal dog steps, he bounces on all four paws, which would be acceptable if he was ten pound ankle biter. Second dog how ever is a black lab, and that makes his bouncing look very odd. Also, this euphoric state of mind causes him to stare at things with huge eyes.

Dogs are idiots. Seriously. But my dog drawings are god level.

Mind Two:

Not only are we a great blogging team, we have MATCHING DOGS!!!! I have a dog who is fat and lazy and black and likes to bite people!!! I also agree that your dog drawings are fantastic. Now for a description of my dogs.

House Dog
Annoying as hell, little house dog that we keep because my mom likes her. She also does this weird little circle spinny thing when she walks like she wants to chase her tail but also wants to walk in a straight line. It ends up looking like she has Down Syndrome.

Retarded Dog
This would be my brothers dog. He is kind of idiot sometimes 24/7. He reminds me a lot of my brother. Big, drooly, happy all the time, and a little bit clueless. Yep, exactly like my brother (who I love very much in case my mother is reading this).


The Best Dog In The Whole Freakin' World!!
Yes. This is my dog. She is so smart and beautiful and great. That's all I really have to say about her. Oh wait, she's trained!

Sharon Osbourn is a lesbian

Mind Two:

So I was watching America's Got Talent last night and all of a sudden these GORGEOUS guys came on. They were all ripped and taking their clothes off and I was drooling just a little bit. It was so great. Their dance was a little lame, but seriously, they were great. And then the lovely judges started voting. And the first dude said yes. And the second dude said no. And it was all up to Sharon. And guess what she said. NO. Not even considering it, just no. And that hit me like a slap in the face. So I came up with a theory. Sharon Osbourn is a lesbian.

How could she have passed on those guys?? They were McStuds! Like freaking gorgeous models. Like I'm pretty sure every straight girl in America and other foreign countries that get that channel (do foreign countries get our TV channels?) cried their eyes out. And a dew of them had to have awkward conversations with their hubbies why they were crying. Way to go Sharon. (Maybe that last part was a little exaggerated). But seriously, everything they lacked in talent, they made up for in looks. So why she would pass on that, I have absolutely no idea.

Mind one.

I saw this episode!! She's insane!! They were in fact, very attractive. Maybe she's just mad cause Ozzy is old, and ugly, and probably never had a six pack. Or a one pack for that matter. He seems like a keg type. But still, she shouldn't take out her frustrations at her husbands lack of sexiness on those boys. Men. Men-children. Whatever they were. They are not to blame for Ozzy's complete lack of appeal. I think that she should have her judging rights revoked

Sharon Osbourn is a certified lesbian in my world now. How could you do that to us Sharon? How? Are you so angry at the world that you just reject every girl and woman in America's wishes? I hate you. One, because you did this...this...horrific thing. Two, you can dye your hair a funky red color and it doesn't ever fade, I dye mine a normal red and it fades like the smile on a Jew's face in Auschwitz. Sorry. That was racist. It fades like the snow in July. That makes less sense, but its less offensive. Unless your a penguin. I can never win. I'll just give up...

Music to blog to.

Mind one.

When I'm writing a blog post, I cant just have any random noises in the background. I need my music, so this post is basically a list of the songs I listen to while I blog, and some reasons for each song. Well, I'll try to put reasons, sometimes it's nothing more then its got a catchy beat and I can focus with it.

Blogging Tunes

Smells like Teen Spirit by Nirvana- I love this song, its got a great beat, and it motivates me with the line "Here we are now entertain us!" That's how I imagine our readers sounding when they click on our blog. Like a pack of starving zombies out side of a butcher shop. "Ennnnnterrrrrrtaaaiiiiiiiiiin uuuuuuuusssss" Blog zombies=Blogzies?

Supermassive Black Hole by Muse- This song makes me want to throw myself in a pool of glittery paint and buy a Volvo. (Twilight reference there, the books were so much better than the movies. The movie did show me this song though, so it wasn't an utter blow...)

Hey Ho by Hinder- This song is just one of those hater songs, and it makes me laugh. Gets the creativity flowing. Honestly, Hinder is one of the bands I listen to the most, if I'm blogging, just on facebook, or trying to write an English essay. I love Hinder!!! Any Hinder song is great to blog to, they are a great song for anything. I could get my spleen ripped out through my nose as long as Hinder was in the background.

Harder to Breathe by Maroon 5- I can turn this song, and just write like a maniac. Adam Levine's voice is perfect for inspiration. Plus, he's sexy. So. BONUS!!!

Lullaby by Nickelback- I have loved Nickelback since the first song I heard. (How you remind me, if your curious.) They go from hardcore, intense pissed off songs, to sweet I love you songs, to I-really-want-to-get-you-naked-songs. This song is relaxing and helps me chill out and spit out what I'm really trying to say.

Kick it in the Sticks by Brantley Gilbert- His voice....That's all I have to say. His freakin voice!!!! <3

One X by Three Days Grace- When we become famous for this blog, and people are fighting for movie rights and such, Three Days Grace will totally have to be a main part of the soundtrack, because I've listened to them for years, and they literally have a song for everything. EVERYTHING!

I don't care by Fall Out Boy- Two words for you. Pete Wentz. He makes me laugh, manically. This song is great for those days when really, you just do not give a flying flock. "I don't care what you think, cause as long as its about me."

Life is Beautiful by Sixx a.m.- This song is just beautiful. Its got so much meaning and its got a great message. I could listen to this song over and over. I don't think I'll ever get tired of it.

I'd come for you by Nickelback- This song is just one of the best songs ever. One of the best bands ever. Period.

Actually. Any song by Nickelback. This is how you remind me, Animals, Side of a bullet. Just Nickelback.

Numb by Linkin Park- They are great band, and this song is epic. Just listen to it. It's easy to type to.

Tainted love by Marilyn Manson- Manson's one scary bro, but his music is great. He scares me but I can rock out to him.

Sweet Dreams by Marilyn Manson- Like I said, he is one scary dude, but I love his versions of songs. He brings out the dark and scary in life, that we all know is there. He's just one of the few people that can tap into this. It's why I love him, eyeliner and all.

Not strong enough by Apocalyptica- This song describes how I feel when I want to stop blogging. I just cant. I cant stop, it's like a drug.

This is gonna hurt by Sixx a.m.-  "Listen up, listen up there's a devil in the church." It's perfect. I could totally have this as my theme song. Its great!!! :D

Paris (Ooh La La) by Grace Potter-  This song. Its so catchy!!! I love it! I rock out to this, running around my kitchen singing.

The Chain by (Three days grace and Fleetwood Mac)- I love both versions of this song, that's why I included two artists. Cause even though the two songs sound almost nothing alike, they are both great. Three days grace makes it darker and more pain filled, and Fleetwood Mac's version is the original. Both are good.

No suprise by Daughtry- He's a great singer, and I love the passion and emotion he puts in each song. I can always connect to him and his lyrics.

I should probably stop now, this is an excessively long list, but I really could go on and on.
Mind Two:

I too love to listen music while I blog. Although most of the time I can't because I am in the school library and YouTube isn't allowed. Mind One, neither is word bubbles;) (Mind one leaping in here. Screw you mind two. Its an educational game!!!)

This Love by Maroon 5. Maroon 5 is a pretty great band and this is one of my favorite songs by them.

Adele. Anything by Adele. She is my all time favorite singer. First of all, have you heard her voice?? Second, that's about it.

Black Horse and the Cherry Tree by KT Tunstall. This song is so catchy. It gets stuck in my head even if I only listen to it once, although most of the time I find myself hitting repeat over and over again. Whoo ooh, whoo oooh.

Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Greenday. Everybody loves Greenday, right?? Well I do, especially this song. I mean, the title is even catchy!! Not to mention the great guitar solo at the end.

SheDaisy's earlier songs. These songs are great because they all have a different theme. There are fast ones and slow ones and everything in between. For example, Don't Worry Bout a Thing or Get Over Yourself.

SAIL by Awolnation. Ok this song is pretty much pointless but it has a great beat and I really screaming SAIL and BLAME IT ON THE A.D.D. at the top of my lungs. And this is pretty much the only thing I am allowed to scream at the top of my lungs. I also love chanting the same word over and over again. It reminds me of when I was younger and only knew one word in the entire song so I would scream it when I heard it.

Chicago Soundtrack. I am not a big musical fan, but Chicago is one of the greatest musicals ever. My friend and I even took the time to learn the dance at the very end. If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it. The music is so GREAT!!!

Stereo Heart by Gym Class Heroes. This song is really only great because of the rap part. That is the best part of the entire song.

Let It Rock by Kevin Rudolf. This song makes me feel like the ultimate bad-ass when I listen to it.

The Time by The Black Eyed Peas. This song is so sweet...and not. Dirty bit!

I just noticed I say great waaayyyyy to much. Sorry about that. In the future I will try to find a more descriptive celebratory word, such as freakin fantastic (although I use that one with sarcasm a lot) or something along those lines.

Mind one..

It's okay, I'm sure I abuse a word like that too. Oh wait, no I don't I have a VOCABULARY!!!!

LADY BITS!!!

Mind one.
I have a friend, who used to go to school with me, but sadly now lives in Idaho. (Yes. Boo to boise state. Boo indeed.) Her name, is troll. Not literally, but for all intents and purposes, yes, troll. Troll has a couple of dogs, named Chewwie, and Jackson. Now I spend weeks at a time over at Troll's house, and honestly I've been adopted into the troll family, its great. Being around them brings out the free spirit in me, and causes any sort of brain/mouth filter I have, which isn't much, to disappear completely.

Anyways, one day I was standing in the kitchen making Troll breakfast. Troll is minorly retarded in the cooking area, and can really only make ceral, top ramen, cold sandwiches, and microwave popcorn. So I was cooking her bacon, and her boyfriend was making french toast, we're a great team. Her dogs were running around like crazy, but they always do that. All of the sudden, in the middle of flipping the bacon. I feel this...sensation.

Her dog. Has totally shoved its nose up my crotch. Like, up my shorts and into the danger zone. It was. Aweful.

I promptly threw the spatula across the kitchen, nailed Mr. Troll in the face with a flying fist, and leaped across the room screaming. "YOU DOG JUST STUCK HIS NOSE IN MY LADY BITS!!!"

Why I said lady bits, I'm not even sure. It's something that I made up on the spot, and it just busted out of my mouth. I was scared, like completely terrified. I didn't know what happened, but from now on, I use lady bits all the time. As does troll.
Mind Two:

I remember troll!! (That is Mind One's name for her and I feel weird calling her that so from now on she will just be 'her') I went to school with her for a short period of time and unlike Mind One, we are not very close but I still think she is hilarious. Funny story time!

When we went to school together in 8th grade, I think. I, being the nerd that I am, was in this club called academic bowl. You basically go to all these schools and answer a lot of questions and whoever answers the most right gets a trophy!! (The trophy is alright and you get to add stuff to it every time). Well, when her moved here, she did not join academic bowl but my friends and I told her all about it. After hearing what it was about, she took to calling it nerd bowl. She even signed my year book "have fun in nerd bowl" or something along those lines.

Another classic 'her' story. At the end of 8th grade, instead of having a graduation, we got to go ice skating. It was really fun. We were playing tag, and 'her' was skating away. Well, she turned to look over her shoulder and didn't see the wall coming up. She smacked into the glass and slid down it. It was like a scene from a movie, it was perfect. It was also really funny so everyone started laughing really hard.

Buttcheeks. They go up and down for a reason

Mind one!!! Question number two...
What if butt cheeks were separated horizontally? If instead of your butt going up and down. It goes side to side!! Just imagine. I'll draw you a picture down below! It would be so cool!! Yes it might be a bit more difficult, but hello!! Sideways butts?? I'm all for it. (This is probably why I'm not in charge of evolution. (If your an atheist.) and also why I'm not the creator. (If your Jesusly-inclined)) 
I shall now draw you, how humans would look if I was God.
Picture!!!

 OR maybe they would look like this!!!

Mind Two:
If butt cheeks were like this, life would become a bit more difficult. First off, if you were a girl, the way Mind One and I imagine it, you would look like you have a pair of balls where you shouldn't have anything. Or lady balls if you prefer.

Mind one!!
Lady balls indeed... Lady balls where your lady bits are now. Remind me to write a post later about lady bits...