Mind Two:
As you know, my childhood was not nearly as wild as it should have been. To make up for it, I would like to tell you a few stories about my dad's childhood. (He doesn't know about this and if he finds out will probably hate me forever.)
When my dad was little, he had a best friend, which I will be calling Bob (I know, your amazed at my creative naming skills). Bob and my dad have been best friends since grade school and will probably be the old guys in the nursing home racing wheelchairs and trying to escape and having many other old people shenanigans. My dad and Bob were, at one point, teenage boys. And teenage boys tend to get in trouble and do stupid things that turn their parent's hair gray. Bob and my dad were no different. They are now banned from being near each other and a boat at the same time for a couple different reasons.
Reason # 1
Bob and my dad liked to fish. Loved to fish. On a nice, stormy day, they decided to go fishing. I know, brilliant they were. Well, long story short, the waves got so big it sunk the boat. Also, they only had one life jacket with them. And then, they had to walk the God-knows-how-many miles back to camp.
Reason # 2
Bob had just recently gotten married. My dad was either unmarried or married to his first wife at the time. Either way, he was never home much. Bob's wife, let's call her Amy, had just gotten a new car. It was an actual new car, not a new-to-you one. My dad came over one day and Bob was all excited about a fore-mentioned car. My dad wanted to go fishing. Bob then suggested instead of taking the old pick-up, let's take the new, shiny car! (Now at this point in the story my dad says he tried to talk him out of it, but there is no stopping guys with a new car). They decided to drive to the nearest lake, and fish for the day. Well, since it was early spring, there was a lot of mud left. A. Lot. Bob and dad tried to drive all the way into the lake, but got the car stuck. My dad decided to get out and push, while Bob sat there and put his foot on the gas. After about 5 minutes of unsuccessful trying, my dad turned his head to yell for more acceleration. And there was Bob. Right beside my dad. Pushing on the car. And no one was steering. My dad calmly looks at Bob and screams "Who the hell is driving?!?!" Bob then says "Don't worry, I put a sho-" and then the car takes off. What Bob had been trying to say was "I put a shotgun on the gas pedal". Bob, not wanting to lose his wife's brand new car, took off after it and promptly face-planted into the mud. He jumped up, started running, and face-planted again. The next time, he made it up and continued running. The amazing part of this story is that he actually caught the car. When they got the car back into town, they spent about $20 at the car wash trying to get all the mud off. When they got home, Amy immediately walked in the house screamed "What did you do to my car?!?!" That is where my dad exited and let Bob take all the blame. (Apparently they had left a piece of sagebrush under the fender)
Reason # 3
Amy's parents anniversary was coming up. It was a big one, like their 25th or 50th. Amy agreed to help out with the planning of the party. During this period of time, Bob worked nights at some big corporation and never made it home till morning, when he went to bed. Amy left really early to go help with the party every morning. One morning, as Bob was coming in and Amy was leaving, my dad showed up. He asked Bob if he wanted to go fishing. Bob, of course, agreed. The catch was Bob had to be back by 5 for the anniversary party. They figured they had plenty of time. They put on waders and grabbed fishing gear and headed out. They lost track of time, as usual, and my dad kicked Bob out of the vehicle as he drove past the party. Bob was still wearing his waders, which happened to be about 20 sizes too big. So he ended up meeting most of Amy's family for the first time wearing too-big waders and smelling like fish.
This is why they got banned from boating together ever again.
Mind one:
I'm not allowed to do anything fun. Supposedly I'm "accident prone", whatever, I've never done anything that required stitches, and I've only fractured one bone. Thats not bad.
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