Depression

M1.
I'm told I look depressed a lot, but that's not true, I just have a depressed looking face.

So this post is to cheer me up, and everyone else out there suffering from depressed face syndrown, or  real depression, either way. Basically, this post is to make me laugh. Because I need a laugh. To put you in the mood to laugh go watch this first. I nearly died.










Okay, those last two were depressing, I'll admit, let me get back on track here.









(lord of the rings makes me happy. Judge me.)



I just love how Harry gets pimpslapped out of the shot.

FINALLY!!!!

THIS IS THE MOST ACCURATE PICTURE IN THE HISTORY OF MY LIFE.

Mind Two:
When someone other than your mom texts you:














That made me laugh so incredibly hard. For so long. I also fell off my chair. Stop judging me.

Simulated Screams

Mind Two:
Not sure if Mind One and I have talked about this yet, but we are in a forensics class. It is pretty much the only reason I go to school, except for seeing my friends. But seriously, it's great. So since the Columbine shooting, our school decided to do a mock school shooting about once a year. I have never been, until now. At first, I was all like, "No, I don't want to go. That is going to be depressing and emotional." But then our forensics teacher was all like, "Extra credit to anyone who comes." So I had to go. Except Mind One told me she was going. And I got really excited. Because the whole time I was thinking Mind One and Mind Two + a school full of cops and guns = trouble (or fun, whichever way you prefer).
At first, they just put us in a room and we were screaming for help. That part was pretty boring. But then they finally let us into the hallway, where we had to pretend to be wounded or dead or dying. Mind One and I switched it up every time. Mind One has some pretty pitiful moans. I was supposed to be dead and I wanted to get up and help her. It was sad. When Mind One decided she couldn't be pitiful anymore, we both pretended to be dead. And stretched across the whole hallway to take up as much room as possible. We even did the whole stretch-our-hands-towards-each-other-like-we-died-right-before-we-got-to-each-other thing. Until one of the cops tripped over Mind One's foot. (m1, and he did this little hop and went "hoo-ooh")
Then we got moved into the room with the fake shooter. When we got in there, there were a ton of empty shell casings (fake, of course), so our forensics class kicked in and we started analyzing them, matching which bullets came from the same gun by the mark the firing pin made. So when the dude in charge said, "Volunteers make some noise," Mind One and I went into full self-preservation mode. We started screaming as loud as we could and clutching each other, while huddled in a corner. Tears may have even been shed. When the cops came in, they screamed at us to put our hands up. Mind One and I were probably a little but too much into this, so we were the first ones with our hands in the air. Except we were still holding all the bullets. SOo it was pretty much quiet except for the cops and you just heard this ping ping ping ping, because we dropped all the bullets when we put our hands up. The cops kind of looked at us for a moment before they realized they were supposed to be disarming the shooter. In between scenarios, the guy in charge would talk to the cops about mistakes and what was good. So Mind One and I had a lot of time to kill. Which is when we started discovering the bullets that didn't go off. And trying to explode them. Because they were just filled with paint. Which is how our legs ended up looking like this by the end.



We stayed in the hostage room for a few more scenarios. The guy who was pretending to be the shooter was great. When the cops would come in and shoot him instead of disarming him, he would fall to the ground all dramatically and lay there and moan and make dying noises for like 5 minutes. Which of course made Mind One and I laugh hysterically while the cops were trying to do their job. Then they decided to make it a little bit trickier for the cops. They hid a gun in the shooters waistband. Technically, the hostages were supposed to act like we didn't know, but we did. The first few teams missed it, so when the next team came in and found it, Mind One and I were relieved, which is why we gave them the Hostage Seal of Approval. This was pretty much just us giving them the thumbs up signal, except we had our hands in the air, because the cops told us to put them there. So it looked like this:

Mind One and Mind Two don't wear glasses, those are safety glasses, in case you were wondering. And I realize our hands aren't in the air, but we were trying to take a picture in the middle of a school shooting, so back off. After that I had to leave. Your turn, Mind One.


Mind one.
This was great, they turned us loose and said "scream for your lives". For those of you who know me, I'm a loud person overall, like if I had been look out on Titanic, my warning shout probably would of shattered the ice burg from pure loudness (and badassery). One officer told me later that I should record my scream and sell it to a horror movie; it's that horrifying. After mind two left, they moved us all out into the hallway and created a T intersection for the cops to deal with. (In case you're curious, T intersections are complicated when you are a gun wielding good guy, awesome if you're a gun wielding baddy.) They strategically scattered our dead bodies, and dying bodies all over, then plopped down a great big home made simulated IED. Which was really a real IED minus the part that goes BOOM. I'm laying in this hallway, great acoustics by the way, screaming bloody freaking murder, and the first team of cops comes through. They just casually step over me, and then proceed to step right over the bomb and the wounded girl next to the bomb. Just oh so chill like "hey man look, I'm just gonna step over this bomb, shoot some dudes, whatever.". I think out of the six teams that went, only two noticed the bomb, and only one dealt with it in a way that as a wounded hysterical girl I felt good with. End of day one.

Day two. Mind two couldn't go to this day because she had to "work".
By the second day,  my vocal cords were feeling it, and I was starting to sound even...better. This raw scratchy sound only improved my scream, honestly I was freaking my self out. The drills ran in about the same pattern as the day before, but for a few small changes. Change number one, when I was in the hostage room, this time I was giving a girl CPR and about a foot from the one shooter, so guess who got peppered with casings when she heroically threw her self on the wounded girl to save her. Yeah, I'm cool. Change number two, in the second hostage room I sat behind a desk with a "broken leg", and was a royal pain in the cops doughnuts. And the best change of all, in the bomb hallway. I got to be the girl by the bomb, and it was perfect. Just down the hallway from me however, was a friend of mine playing dead (in-between throwing casings at my face, yeah thanks), and this dead friend of mine had managed to rip the ass of his jeans in a most spectacular manner. The boy that ripped his pants. It was a simulated school shooting, I was two feet away from an IED and I have the freaking boy that ripped his pants for a co-star. Awesome. This second day was for the local officers that didn't fit into the previous days teams, so I knew all of these cops, and they knew me. I can work with that, I just sat there and cried pitifully for help until they rounded the corner and made eye contact with me. Mistake. I was slumped there like this.


The first team comes through and they see the bomb. That's a step in the right direction, but then they say this.
Cop:"Get up and get out of here if you can."
M1:"I can't, help me please, my legs, please help."
Cop:"...shit."
Then they decide to clear me out so two cops grab my arms, and drag me away to safety. Hostage seal of approval team one.

Then they got destroyed at the T intersection, but that's not the point. Reset and team two enters the hallway. I go for a different approach this time.


This team sees the bomb, when they are literally on top of it, and me. Literally an inch from my foot one guy sees it and goes like this.


Naturally, his team mates are looking at him like,

Then he goes. "Bomb!! There is a bomb!!" And no joke, they all kind of react like this.


Then they left me. All by myself. The instructor walks by and just does this.

Walk of shame if I've ever seen one.

My favorite was one of the last teams though. That round I was going insane, all hysterical, pleading, crying a little bit, begging for help.




And this guy looks at me, dead serious. "Don't worry, we will come back for you. I'll come back and help you." Then steps over the IED and carries on. And I'm like, "Okay, I'll just wait here then, with the bomb, thats okay."

Mind Two:
Also, we made the front page of the Argus Observer! So we really are famous!

THE BRITISH ARE COMING

Mind one.

Mind Two:
You whore. When I get on and start a post with nothing in it, you go all pinterest on me and post a ton of pictures about not finishing things. And then you throw this at me, with a cool title that makes me all interested and stuff. If you did this on the other new post, too...

Mind one.
Mind one wishes you to calm your shit, I had a perfectly valid reason for starting this post and then not typing anything. Pinterest away if you really have to, then you'll never know what I was going to do! Slut. NAKED TAYLOR LAUTNER. (Yeah, I'll explain this later.)

Mind one for real.

Remember that war we fought a long time ago for our independence and shit. And we kicked their ass clear across the Atlantic? Ring any bells? Well we are being invaded again, in the form of boy bands, and actors. They are taking us over, one raging hormone bound teenage girl at a time. Seriously though, everyone's all "OMFG ONE DIRECTION!!!"...And I'm over here like, "Yeah, one direction, five erections. Someone's getting left out."

What is it that everyone loves about these people? Yes, they are British, and that's pretty sick, because you know, they sound like harry potter. And harry potter rules the world.

Someone tweeted the other day. "Omg, what would you do if all the guys from 1D came up and introduced themselves to you?" People are replying with their freaky ass sexual fantasies, and all I can think is.
"Haven't you people seen Taken? You don't just get naked with some random foreign kid, specifically not a group of them."

All these debates going on about which one is better, and I'm still trying to figure out if the one with the swoop hair was dating taylor swift. Honestly, can't we just number them? Like thing one and thing two? Or maybe they could wear name tags.

I realize this a rampage, but I honestly don't get whats so great about them. When they first came out I was trying to figure out what HP movie they were extras in. Like maybe they were killed in the battle for Hogwarts or something. Then they start singing and I'm sitting here like.



Mind Two:

All you girls out there that think One Direction is so hot, let me show you something.











(M1. BRADLEY COOPER EVERYONE. BRADLEY COOPER)










I think I have proven my point, but one last picture. Because baseball is America's favorite sport, the perfect uniform.



Mind one again.
ALL HAIL THE BASEBALL PANTS.

That's a Whole Other Fantasy

Mind one.
You ever catch yourself in one of those weird moments. You know, when you're talking, doing, thinking about, watching, or reading something really weird. Like this. I've done this.

And someone catches you.

They saw it all. They know. And you're mind just short circuits and you try to laugh it off, but that never works.



I've got the answer, I know how to fix this. When ever you have a moment like this. Look them dead in the face, then giggle and say, "But that's a whole other fantasy." Or slight variations of that phrase. Just capture the essence.
Ill show you some examples, this works I promise.

Trying to find you're straw without looking down? (Happens to me when I read, a lot.)


Turn look at the person that saw you making sweet love to the bendy straw, wink at them then shrug and say. "But that's a whole other fantasy."

When you are trying to stretch your neck out in class, and someone is watching...

Look at them, be sure to leave your head at the creepiest possible angle, and poker face straight say. "I had a whole other fantasy."

When you play with a friends hair and it's been too long and crosses into rape-istan.



Smile sweetly and whisper. "That could be a whole new fantasy."

When you develop an instant bond with your friends dog. (I did this to mind two.)


Put the dog down, pat its head, then you're friends head while looking concerned for them, and say. "That's your fantasy."

When mind one is dancing with one of her friends, and a guy asks to cut in. (Generally with the friend, no one loves m1.)


I start dancing like this. Then get way up in the guys personal space and murmur, "That can be your new fantasy."

When the minds see a hot guy in public. We tend to do this, and people stare.

After this happens, go up to the attractive man in question and slip him your number and ask. "Can I be your new fantasy?"




Follow mind one's advice, because the witnesses to your weirdness will not know what to do. They'll just turn to the person next to them and say.
 
Because they hope whatever it is you have, isn't catching.


Mind Two:
I am going to try this. Someday when Mind One and I become really famous for this blog and we do like a signing or whatever bloggers do instead of book signings, people are going to be coming up and introducing themselves. And Mind One and I will just be all "that's a whole other fantasy." Example:

*Fan comes up to the Minds*


If you ever do this, the Minds are just going to be all:

But that's a whole other fantasy.

Mind Two also has a great phrase to tack on to the end of sentences.
If you have ever seen Avatar, the TV show not the movie, then you remember this.
"But everything changed when the fire nation attacked."

And it works with pretty much every sentence.
Examples:

When your teacher asks why you didn't turn in your homework and they give you this face.


I had it done, but everything changed when the fire nation attacked.



When you are trying to get out of something that is boring.

No, I can't go, because everything changed when the fire nation attacked.


When someone catches you dancing really weird, just say this.
I used to dance like this,

but everything changed when the fire nation attacked.

Still don't believe me? Lets try it with some of Mind One's "that's a whole other fantasy"

When you are trying to stretch your neck out in class, and someone is watching...

Look at them, be sure to leave your head at the creepiest possible angle, and poker face straight say. "I had a whole other fantasy." But everything changed when the fire nation attacked.

It even works for Harry Potter.

Mr. and Mrs. Dursley were quite proud of their normal lifestyle.


But everything changed when the fire nation attacked.