20 reasons why Mind one does not play baseball.

M1.
The other day I went with mind two to watch fat jesus play baseball. Because I'm an amazing friend like that. And all through out the game, while they kicked major league ass, all I could think is "holy shit this is not my sport." Now don't get me wrong, I love baseball, and have a grasp on the rules and what not because my dad is a Red Sox fan, and raised me to be one as well. Also, to hell with the Yankee's.

 But I could never play baseball, I mean I really sucked at T-ball. The ball just sits there. I couldn't even hit the ball, I hit the Tee ever single freaking time. But here is a list of reasons why I don't play baseball.

1. I would react badly to every ball I missed.


2. I can't hit a stationary ball, so one coming at me at ninety plus miles per hour. No bueno.


3. I can't catch for shit, but I would try really hard. And end up in the stands every time.


4. If I actually managed to hit a ball, and try to get on base, I'd end up running into people.


5. My team would pity me, and let me pitch once.


6. Even though I would never hit a pitch, I would throw the bat every time.


7. I have no idea how to hold a bat. Or where to stand in relation to home plate.


8. Did I mention I can't catch?


9. What the hell do all these fancy hand signals even mean? How am I supposed to memorize this thirty second long pattern of you hitting your body in various areas? Was that the Macarena?


10. I would get depressed that I suck, and someone would try to comfort me.


11. On the off chance I was like a base runner or something for someone else, the baseman would be a ninja.


12. I would try to help in situations where I should just sit down and play with the field.


13. I would laugh hysterically every time someone got hurt.


14. I would get kicked off the team, and have to work as a grounds keeper.


15. I react badly to losing.


16. I would get tired of the catchers mouth.


17. Miracles do happen, and I could hit a home run, but when I tried to run the bases...


18. I just really love the Red Sox, and react a lot like this when they win.


19. Maybe I could be a team manager, but then the ump would really make me mad, and I'd have to throw a grenade at him.


And finally. Number twenty.
20. If I played I wouldn't be able to devote so much time to hating the Yankee's, and their entire fan base, and city.






BONUS.
21. THIS WILL BE MY CHILD.