Remember way back in middle school when they would call your class out and you would all line up in the gym and wait in line for pictures? This was the greatest because you just got to stand in the gym with all your friends. Except when it was your turn. Then you got all embarrassed because the lady can't just take a freaking picture, it has to be exactly perfect and then your smile ends up like this:
And because everyone hated that lady, we all tried to pull pranks on her. But never really did anything great. Until Fat Jesus came along.
Fat Jesus is what Mind One and I have named my brother whose factually named Tell by birf certificate. (That last part was Tell. He wants to be famous so he had to mention his real name.) He has figured out a way to completely mess up those picture-day-ladies, which makes picture day better. Sort of. Anyway, I realized I haven't told any stories about him and this one seemed like a good one.
Fat Jesus( Part One):
Everybody knows how weird the picture ladies are right? 'cause every time it's some chicks that smell funny and have black teeth or something. Anyways, these creeper chicks that aren't hot enough to be called chicks are all trying to tilt my head and stuff. This is where it all started. I told them don't do that. They were just like hold on and I'm like NO!!!!! I was about to freak the freak out.
Fat Jesus(Part Two):
After I get this "chick" to stop messing with my head , they tell me to take my hat off. Answering their question, with a question (which is extremely upper level conversation I might add) I ask, " May I please fix my hair?" Naturally, they say sure. So I make sure every strand of hair on my head is perfectly the way I want it. Like so-
Fat Jesus(Part Three):
Then, they tried to get a good picture but there are two things that even the less fortunate or dumber people of the population can do to avoid this. One, you can blink so rapidly that they can't get a picture of you with your eyes open. This is nearly impossible for guys to do, but to girls I believe that they call it "fluttering eyelashes?" (M1 leaping in. Fluttering isn't a good thing to do. Instant headache.) Anyways this aggravated them more yet. Lo and behold, the other thing I did was smile creepily or stalker-like as shown below. This truly bestonishes (M1 again, is that even a word??) them and they give up with a picture of me like this! Bestonishes is a word that combines the extremely hard to grasp words bedazzled and astonishing. (It's now on my student ID card). (M1 once again, oh I see, fat jesus makes up his own words. Alright)
Mind Two:
One last thing. I would just like to apologize for my brother. He is not really black, as you can see from the pictures, even though he talks like it in this post. So don't get confused. Mind One, your turn.
Mind one.
I hate the picture ladies. With an all firey burning passion. Like, if I were to become a dictator and rule the world, I would have a photocaust. And murder all the school photographers in the world. I naturally tilt my head when I smile. Like dis.
That's from last summer, now I do thisssss.
Holy fuzzies. Maybe like theeeeiiissss.
Mahhhm!!!!
Anyways. They get all up in my face, "Tilt your head!! Tip your chin!!" And I'm just like, "I tilt my head anyways, just let me do what I want." But they never do, so I end up looking really uncomfortable in every single school picture ever. Now I make sure to always be chewing a piece of gum, that way you can see it in my pictures. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH
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