THE BRITISH ARE COMING

Mind one.

Mind Two:
You whore. When I get on and start a post with nothing in it, you go all pinterest on me and post a ton of pictures about not finishing things. And then you throw this at me, with a cool title that makes me all interested and stuff. If you did this on the other new post, too...

Mind one.
Mind one wishes you to calm your shit, I had a perfectly valid reason for starting this post and then not typing anything. Pinterest away if you really have to, then you'll never know what I was going to do! Slut. NAKED TAYLOR LAUTNER. (Yeah, I'll explain this later.)

Mind one for real.

Remember that war we fought a long time ago for our independence and shit. And we kicked their ass clear across the Atlantic? Ring any bells? Well we are being invaded again, in the form of boy bands, and actors. They are taking us over, one raging hormone bound teenage girl at a time. Seriously though, everyone's all "OMFG ONE DIRECTION!!!"...And I'm over here like, "Yeah, one direction, five erections. Someone's getting left out."

What is it that everyone loves about these people? Yes, they are British, and that's pretty sick, because you know, they sound like harry potter. And harry potter rules the world.

Someone tweeted the other day. "Omg, what would you do if all the guys from 1D came up and introduced themselves to you?" People are replying with their freaky ass sexual fantasies, and all I can think is.
"Haven't you people seen Taken? You don't just get naked with some random foreign kid, specifically not a group of them."

All these debates going on about which one is better, and I'm still trying to figure out if the one with the swoop hair was dating taylor swift. Honestly, can't we just number them? Like thing one and thing two? Or maybe they could wear name tags.

I realize this a rampage, but I honestly don't get whats so great about them. When they first came out I was trying to figure out what HP movie they were extras in. Like maybe they were killed in the battle for Hogwarts or something. Then they start singing and I'm sitting here like.



Mind Two:

All you girls out there that think One Direction is so hot, let me show you something.











(M1. BRADLEY COOPER EVERYONE. BRADLEY COOPER)










I think I have proven my point, but one last picture. Because baseball is America's favorite sport, the perfect uniform.



Mind one again.
ALL HAIL THE BASEBALL PANTS.

That's a Whole Other Fantasy

Mind one.
You ever catch yourself in one of those weird moments. You know, when you're talking, doing, thinking about, watching, or reading something really weird. Like this. I've done this.

And someone catches you.

They saw it all. They know. And you're mind just short circuits and you try to laugh it off, but that never works.



I've got the answer, I know how to fix this. When ever you have a moment like this. Look them dead in the face, then giggle and say, "But that's a whole other fantasy." Or slight variations of that phrase. Just capture the essence.
Ill show you some examples, this works I promise.

Trying to find you're straw without looking down? (Happens to me when I read, a lot.)


Turn look at the person that saw you making sweet love to the bendy straw, wink at them then shrug and say. "But that's a whole other fantasy."

When you are trying to stretch your neck out in class, and someone is watching...

Look at them, be sure to leave your head at the creepiest possible angle, and poker face straight say. "I had a whole other fantasy."

When you play with a friends hair and it's been too long and crosses into rape-istan.



Smile sweetly and whisper. "That could be a whole new fantasy."

When you develop an instant bond with your friends dog. (I did this to mind two.)


Put the dog down, pat its head, then you're friends head while looking concerned for them, and say. "That's your fantasy."

When mind one is dancing with one of her friends, and a guy asks to cut in. (Generally with the friend, no one loves m1.)


I start dancing like this. Then get way up in the guys personal space and murmur, "That can be your new fantasy."

When the minds see a hot guy in public. We tend to do this, and people stare.

After this happens, go up to the attractive man in question and slip him your number and ask. "Can I be your new fantasy?"




Follow mind one's advice, because the witnesses to your weirdness will not know what to do. They'll just turn to the person next to them and say.
 
Because they hope whatever it is you have, isn't catching.


Mind Two:
I am going to try this. Someday when Mind One and I become really famous for this blog and we do like a signing or whatever bloggers do instead of book signings, people are going to be coming up and introducing themselves. And Mind One and I will just be all "that's a whole other fantasy." Example:

*Fan comes up to the Minds*


If you ever do this, the Minds are just going to be all:

But that's a whole other fantasy.

Mind Two also has a great phrase to tack on to the end of sentences.
If you have ever seen Avatar, the TV show not the movie, then you remember this.
"But everything changed when the fire nation attacked."

And it works with pretty much every sentence.
Examples:

When your teacher asks why you didn't turn in your homework and they give you this face.


I had it done, but everything changed when the fire nation attacked.



When you are trying to get out of something that is boring.

No, I can't go, because everything changed when the fire nation attacked.


When someone catches you dancing really weird, just say this.
I used to dance like this,

but everything changed when the fire nation attacked.

Still don't believe me? Lets try it with some of Mind One's "that's a whole other fantasy"

When you are trying to stretch your neck out in class, and someone is watching...

Look at them, be sure to leave your head at the creepiest possible angle, and poker face straight say. "I had a whole other fantasy." But everything changed when the fire nation attacked.

It even works for Harry Potter.

Mr. and Mrs. Dursley were quite proud of their normal lifestyle.


But everything changed when the fire nation attacked.

What It's Like to Be Single

Mind Two:
As you probably can tell, Mind One and I are single. Very single. Cause men are fuckers. 
Anyway, I was on Pinterest the other day and I came across an article called "What It's Like to Be Single, as told by Emma Stone, Jennifer Lawrence, and Rebel Wilson". And I thought that I would put it on here because it pretty much describes the minds life as of right now. 
 
 I don't know how I feel about being single.


 Sometimes I'm like, "I got this."


Other days I'm like,
 

Honestly most days I'm like,


But then I see a picture of this guy. (There was originally a different guy here, but he was not as cute, so I changed it)


And all of a sudden I'm like,
 

So you do what any girl would do: brainstorm in the shower.
 

Finally your like, "Yes, I've got it!"
 

All I have to do is penetrate the dating world.


You're right, sorry. Back to dating.
 

The problem is you're not very good at "boys."


Because every time you meet a guy you like,



 Which can be:


and also terrifying:
 

You need to take a chill pill, or


 Because you need to stop saying things like,


Or, (mind one has an awkward love story)
 

Or,



After all, it's only the first date.


So play it cool.


Don't be like,


Don't overreact
 

The food can't be that good.
 

Just be like,
 

Then, when you get home you can tell your friends,
 

But really, don't sweat being single too much. In the end,
 

And even though you might be thinking,
 

You know what?




Because one day you'll meet a nice guy and he'll be like,
 

And on the inside you'll be like,
 

 



But on the outside you'll be like,
 

To which he'll respond, "Duh."
 

And if that doesn't happen just yet, then you can carry on with your normal life.
 

So there you have it.
 

Finally, if anyone is hating on you being single, here is what I have to say about that.




Mind one.

There really isn't a whole lot that can be added to this. But I'll take a stab at it.
Here goes.
Men suck, boys suck, dudes suck, males suck, the entire penile portion of the population SUCKS. But I realize its not all your fault guys, we as girls, fail at life just as hard. (I was going to put suck just as hard there, but that's dirty.)
One day they'll be all into you and flirty just like this.

(Mind Two approves of this picture)


And then some days there just creeps. Like this.


When they're being creepy, as girls we kinda do this. Which is a tiny bit scary.


And then proceed to creep right back


And girls tend to overreact, like when a guy makes eye contact then looks away first with out smiling. This is how we feel.



Plus when we are wearing good ass jeans, we do this shit.




Mostly because we want guys to be like this.


This is every girl in the world when a guy compliments her.






And how we feel around any attractive guys.




I'm laughing to hard. Consider this post a wrap.