Dear...

Mind one.

Alright. I confess. I hate many things. Many inanimate objects. I fight with these things on a regular basis, and I was thinking I needed to do something about this anger. Then I realized that it isn't just non-living objects that cause me angst. So here is a list of letters to the things in my daily life. That really piss me the hell off. And I don't just mean objects, there is a couple of letters to people, and this is such a short list. (Also I just realized I could play with the fonts on here, so from now on Mind one will be this font which is trebuchet and Mind two will pick one and tell me the name here  Helvetica!     )

Dear washing machine,
I understand your life is hard. You have to wash dirty socks and underwear all day, then on the weekend I slam you with all my clothes throughout the week at like three in the morning cause I forgot about laundry and I really need pants for school. So please, stop being a freak. You fill up fine, even make happy little washer sounds. You spin, you shake, you do the mystical clean clothes dance, and yet, on the rinse cycle you think its cool to turn off. That my good sir, is not the end of your job, you're supposed to finish rinsing, spin again and then turn off. Not half rinse and turn off. I'd like it if you pulled up your big washer pants and did you job, enough of this whining, its unnatractive and you should hear what the dryer is saying about you.
Sincerly, soggy pants don't fit right.

Dear alarm clock,
I understand you like your job. You are seriously enthusiastic to wake me up in the mornings, but I only need to be woken up Monday through Thursday. You don't need to go off Friday, or Saturday, or Sunday. That's just not called for. Plus this little trick you have of starting off really damn quiet, then reaching way up into a volume level normally reserved for ambulances, atomic bombs, and two year olds screaming.
Sincerely, you woke up the neighbors.

Dear teachers of my first two periods,
You don't enjoy messes, that's cool. I totally get that, and you don't want your room turned into a war zone. But here's the really nifty thing, the one thing our school got right. WE HAVE A JANITOR!!!! (Mind Two: In the vents!!)
And your wimpy little excuse, "I don't want to cause the janitor more work.." doesn't really work. Parents don't sit down for hours a day teaching their toddlers Algebra 2 just to "not cause the teacher any extra work." Because it's your job to educate us, much like it is the janitors job to clean the school. The difference is you went to college, and the janitor still attends the high school they clean. (That's probably not true, but it works for my point.) The point here is, not allowing me coffee in first, or second period, is just cruel. I'm a teenager you are dragging out of bed at six in the morning to get ready for your stupid school. Let me have caffeine, or I'll murder someone. It is a coffee mug, with a sealing lid. The only way I can make a mess, is if I bludgeon someone to death with it, and that will never happen because I love my mug. SO LET ME HAVE COFFEE IN MY FIRST TWO CLASSES, BECAUSE BY THIRD PERIOD ITS COLD AND NO ONE WANTS COLD COFFEE IN THE MORNINGS UNLESS YOU MAKE IT THAT WAY. HOT COFFEE THAT HAS GONE COLD, IS NOT NICE.
Sincerely, I need caffeine, and you need a breath mint.

Dear USA channel,
I realize that you can't really have a show playing all year long, however, getting me addicted to two of your shows at once, then refusing to start the show again till next summer IS CRUEL. And I will probably complain about this a lot, it makes me very mad.
Sincerely, seriously addicted to Suits.

Dear adults,
I realize that as a teenager, you don't always think that my views are right, or with your time. That's cool, as a teenager, I think you're old and outdated. We both have negative views of each other. But neither of us is really right. So at least let me finish a statement. I hate being interrupted, but the one thing I hate more is when an adult brings up a subject, usually politics or religion, and once they realize that my ideas don't line up perfectly with theirs, they cut me off, and start preaching their views. Damnit if you start a conversation, let me finish my thought, my ideas, and listen to me politely. I'll do the same for you. Adults always say that teenagers are so rude, maybe its because you treat us like children, want us to act like adults, but don't allow us to have adult views. MAKE UP YOUR MINDS. And treat us like human beings, at one point, you were just like us, so calm down. (If you're still unclear about my point here, go listen to this song.)
Sincerely, stop generalizing and just listen. You won't die.

Dear judges on talent shows,
Get your ears checked, that sucked butthole. That was not a break out talent, that was a break out of the plague. Don't falsely encourage people, do your job and tell people when they suck. PLEASE. Before I throw something at your stupid face, break my tv, and get ground for the rest of my high school career.
Sincerely, Are my ears bleeding?

Mind two? What makes you angry?

Mind Two:

Dear people who say nothing tastes as good as skinny feels,
ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!?!? Have you never tasted chocolate cake or donuts or any candy bar ever? Obviously the only thing you have ever eaten are vegetables, cause those things are gross and I would totally work out over sitting around eating vegetables all day. Seriously, buy some taste buds or something. I heard they sell them at Wal-Mart. Working out will only make you skinny, thats it. Nothing more. Maybe fit. Sure, everyone cares what you look like, but if you put on some extra makeup no one will notice your fat. Buy some spandex and move on with your life.
Sincerely, you are making me feel bad about myself.

Dear religious people,
Having a religion is kind of like having a dick. It's fine that you have one and are proud of it, but when you start waving it in my face, that's when we have a problem. I already go to church so I know I am going to hell for that comment above, so you can stop preaching to me about it.
Sincerely, I will NOT show you mine if you show me yours first.

Dear razor commercials,
Really? Your shaving a hairless leg? Wow. That totally makes me want to buy you because I now know you can totally shave my disgustingly hairy legs! Not. You want to impress me, shave a bear.
Sincerely, at least try to be realistic.


And since I am out of stuff to rant about, one funny one for you.

Dear Taylor Swift,
He had a one hand feel on the steering wheel, the other on my heart.
Sincerely, does that mean he's touching your boob?