Challenge Accepted!!

Mind Two:

So I watch a lot of movies. Like a lot of movies. And memorizing stuff isn't that hard for me, except when it comes to school. But since I watch a lot of movies, I know a lot of movie quotes. And when the opportunity comes up, I repeat them in context. So I was talking to my mom the other day and I started spouting quotes, and she asked me if I could talk in only quotes, none of my own words. And I realized that I didn't know. So she challenged me to write an entire blog post using only quotes. And I realize this part is breaking the rules, but this part doesn't count. So starting right now, I am talking in only quotes. And don't worry, I will let you know where each quote stops and starts. So mom...

(Read it like a conversation between two people)

"Challenge accepted!"
" Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn."
"Why do you say this to me when you know I'll kill you for it?"
"Not you, Fat Jesus."
"I'm going to punch you in the ovary, that's what I'm going to do. A straight shot, right to the babymaker."
"You're completely impossible and out of control, with some sort of drug problem and a fixation on what you consider Rick Von Sloneker's wickedness. You're a snob, a sexist, totally obnoxious, and tiresome. And lately, you've gotten just weird. Why should we believe anything you say?"
"


"Made it Ma! Top of the world!"

Mind one.

I too, watch an excess of movies, and also quote movies, daily. However, I feel that one quote, from one movie, will be enough to sum up this blog.

This is how I feel every time Mind two does some random post, and leaves it alone for months.

WHYYY JUST WHYYY

Mind one.

Has this ever happened to you. Where someone does something so you, and you just physically stand there screaming "WHYYYY YOU HORRIBLE CRUEL WORLDDDD???" at the sky. Mind two totally just did this to me. She started a new post, and tagged it "Mind one, do not read until your birthday. DO NOT!!!"

Now I'm generally the type of person that would in fact, read it right now, but I'm being a good person, and ignoring it. Sorta. Mostly I'm typing this post going on a rampage, so I dont look. Why. Just Why. If you have never felt this feeling before, I'm going to give it to you. Right. Now.

Sometimesthishappeneswhenpeopledontputspacesorpunctuationintheirsentancesandthenthey
expectyoutobeabletounderstandthisBythistimeyouactuallyarereadingthisaboutperfectlyandi
thisbecauseimgettingreallygoodattypingwithnospaces

That should do it. If not, try this one on for size.

W#3N P30P73 TYP3 L!K3 T#!$!!!

Or.

w.h.e.n.t.h.e.r.e.i.s.n.o.s.p.a.c.e.s.b.u.t.r.a.n.d.o.m.p.u.n.c.t.u.a.t.i.o.n.e.v.e.r.y.w.h.e.r.e

Or even.

WHEN SOMEONE DANGLES INFORMATION RIGHT INFORNT OF YOUR NOSE, AND REFUSES TO LET YOU SEE IT, OR KNOW IT.

Alright, I'm sitting here thinking more about this. Why in the hell, did she even start a post, put a giant tag on it telling me to not read it, when I totally could look at it. And she couldnt do shit to stop me. It's a trap. It has to be. Trap trap trapity trap!!!
I'm going to go look. Screw it.
.......
I KNEW IT!!! COPY PASTE BOOM!!!
Contents of post titled. "Happy birthday Mind One!!!!!"
"Mind Two:
I knew you would try and read this. That's why I put the contents in a word document and will copy and paste them in here when I publish this. I also know this is probably killing you and I am sorry, but it's totally worth it.

Mind one:
You know. I wasn't gonna look, but then I got to thinking about it. And wondered. "Why did she even start this post, and put a giant tag on it. When she knows that I totally could read it if I wanted." So I was being good, and even started a differant post ranting about it. Then I decided that you probably had some sort of trap set for me. And what do you know. Well played mind two. Well played."
Son of a bitch. She got me.

Portland part two!!! Kinda

Mind one.

Okay, so I was talking to mind two the other day, and we both realized to our horror, that we had posted every single drafted post we had started, and we both had a butt pucker moment. (And no, I shall not draw a picture for that..) Then when I get home I realize that. Hey! I never finished that portland story like I said I would! Only one problem, I totally forgot where I was going next after that post. I seriously couldnt tell you what I was planning to do after that post. So I'm closing the Portland story for now. Because I want to give you guys  a good post about it, not some half assed winging it together bullshit. That's reserved for spanish papers, and health reports. (Just kidding!!) (Mind Two: She was only kidding if you are a teacher reading this. For our non-teacher followers, totally serious.)

So while you sit there and wait calmly for the next Portland post, the Minds will amuse you with..........TALES FROM THE DARK SIDE!!!!

Actually, we'll ramble on about our...CHILDHOODS!!!
(Remember this was before the minds met, so we cant regale you with a touching scene of the minds as midgets.)

Mind two, you may begin.

Mind Two:

What?! Are you kidding me? You start this post and then give me nothing to lead off of? Great idea. If I had any idea what to write about, I would have started this post myself!! I can't believe you would do this to me. Just throw me under the bus why don't you? Now I am forced to come up with some tale of my wonderful childhood while you sit around doing nothing? This sucks. And you knew I would do it because I don't want to disappoint our readers.


Mind Two:

Alright I am done with my rampage and as promised will tell you some childhood stories. How about all the times I got my brother in trouble? (mind one here. I did in fact run you over with the bus, but I was blank. And this is a seriously broad topic. I hope you come up with a good story. And don't just ramble about how siblings get each other into trouble. I'm an only child and I could write a book about it.)

Alright fine. They aren't stories about getting each other in trouble, these are stories about how I was a freaking genius as a little kid.

#1
When I was little, I was obsessed with scissors. These things are so cool. You mean I can cut stuff up without potentially cutting off a body part like I would with knife? Awesome! So I went around cutting up random stuff: Barbie doll hair, paper, crayons, and my brother's blanket. Not like sliced the thing in half, just cut a little chunk out of it. And when my mom found it, she asked who did it. And I said my brother. And then convinced him to play along. And he did. So I got off easy while he wasn't allowed to use scissors for 3 or 4 months.

#2
One time, I convinced my brother I was left handed. For 6 months. It was awesome. He was totally convinced! I would be doing something with my right hand and he would come up and ask why I wasn't using my left, and I would just come up with some lame story and he totally believed me. Every time. Poor kid. I finally gave up and told him, he never actually figured it out. Although now, he has trust issues. Mostly with me though. But it was totally worth it.

Wizards

Mind one. (omg. Font Colors!!)
(Also, if you're planning to be a robber, this is how to escape.)
Recently, I was being a good kid, and helping my mom with her job, down at the sage. This is fine, cause I get money, and its not that hard, and can actually be pretty fun. But never magical. Until today. Today I was punked by Professors Dumbledore and Mcgonagall. D and M for short cause both those names are a BITCH to type out. I was taking orders for my mom, seeings how she was stuck in the kitchen. I like waiting on people, chatting with them, and just getting the chance to talk to someone I probably otherwise would not of. Now, the sage is a bit confusing, to a new customer. When you approach the beast, there are three doors to choose from. Two are side by side on one wall, and one is all alone on a differant wall. The two side by side, lead to the kitchen and the bar. The loner leads to family dining. Now I understand, when you have the munchies, and are over twenty-one and legal to drink, in your rush to achieve satisfaction you may hit the wrong door. This is understandable, and happens, daily. I'm okay with that. So when two old people wander in through the kitchen door, I smile nicely at them and direct them to the bar, and to family dining. I watch them turn the corner into family dining, pick up my ticketbook and menus, step out the kitchen door, take the three steps to famiy dining's door, and go through. All I see is one old skinny ankle disappearing behind a wall. Now off of the family dining area, you can get to the bathrooms via a long skinny hall, and at the end of the hall was is the door to narnia. Just kidding. I wish. It leads out back. Out back is accessible from four points of entry. The dining entrance I just described, an entrance through the bar, and two gates. Said gates only open from the inside, and are usually locked, also they only lock from the inside. Now I'm curious, but whatever old people, pee, go outside, I will get your orders eventually, and you can't hide. After a few minutes, like five, they still havent ventured back into the dining room. So I go back into the kitchen, stick my head out to the bar and ask if anyone had seen the old couple that came through earlier, they all said no. So I began looking. And looking. And looking looking looking. Dear god, these old people could teach ninjas. Or wizards. They weren't in the bathrooms. They hadn't come back into the bar, or family dining. They weren't out back. The gates are locked, which I remind you is only possible from the inside, so if they had gone out a gate, they would have no way of shutting it. Now I'm confused. What the hell. How did I lose two old people. How does that even happen. I start doing loops here, through the dining room, bathrooms, out back, and repeat. Finally, I have to admit, that somehow, I've been outsmarted and outfoxed by two of the oldest people I've ever seen in my life. I started asking the bar flies, (technical term right there.), but they hadn't seen them either. There is no where they could of gone, no where they could be. They must of disapperated. I was punked, by D and M, from the Harry Potter books. I realize that I'm just a lowly muggle, but next time, a little warning. Your evil old farts.

Freakin wizards.

Mind Two:

Hahaha that's hilarious.

Now time for my disappearing things story!

Once upon a time, I was home alone. I was on the computer and looked out the very large front window.
Alright enough of talking like I am in a Disney princess movie.
As I was looking out the window, I saw 2 pigs ambling across the front lawn. PIGS! I don't own any pigs. I never have and I never will. And yet, there they were, on my lawn. So I did what any rational person would do, I called my mom. And you know what? She laughed at me! She thought I was trying to be funny. Well I wasn't, mom! And my dad and brother were gone hunting, so I couldn't call them. And when my mom came home, the pigs were gone! We searched every inch of our 72 acres and NOTHING! Nada, zip, zilch, zero. They. Were. Gone.

So a week later, we drive down to the pond and what do we find? THE PIGS! Don't worry the pond was empty, they were ok. And I was not deemed not crazy. Happy ending for everyone. 

Mind one.
You were punked by Harry Porker.

Dear...

Mind one.

Alright. I confess. I hate many things. Many inanimate objects. I fight with these things on a regular basis, and I was thinking I needed to do something about this anger. Then I realized that it isn't just non-living objects that cause me angst. So here is a list of letters to the things in my daily life. That really piss me the hell off. And I don't just mean objects, there is a couple of letters to people, and this is such a short list. (Also I just realized I could play with the fonts on here, so from now on Mind one will be this font which is trebuchet and Mind two will pick one and tell me the name here  Helvetica!     )

Dear washing machine,
I understand your life is hard. You have to wash dirty socks and underwear all day, then on the weekend I slam you with all my clothes throughout the week at like three in the morning cause I forgot about laundry and I really need pants for school. So please, stop being a freak. You fill up fine, even make happy little washer sounds. You spin, you shake, you do the mystical clean clothes dance, and yet, on the rinse cycle you think its cool to turn off. That my good sir, is not the end of your job, you're supposed to finish rinsing, spin again and then turn off. Not half rinse and turn off. I'd like it if you pulled up your big washer pants and did you job, enough of this whining, its unnatractive and you should hear what the dryer is saying about you.
Sincerly, soggy pants don't fit right.

Dear alarm clock,
I understand you like your job. You are seriously enthusiastic to wake me up in the mornings, but I only need to be woken up Monday through Thursday. You don't need to go off Friday, or Saturday, or Sunday. That's just not called for. Plus this little trick you have of starting off really damn quiet, then reaching way up into a volume level normally reserved for ambulances, atomic bombs, and two year olds screaming.
Sincerely, you woke up the neighbors.

Dear teachers of my first two periods,
You don't enjoy messes, that's cool. I totally get that, and you don't want your room turned into a war zone. But here's the really nifty thing, the one thing our school got right. WE HAVE A JANITOR!!!! (Mind Two: In the vents!!)
And your wimpy little excuse, "I don't want to cause the janitor more work.." doesn't really work. Parents don't sit down for hours a day teaching their toddlers Algebra 2 just to "not cause the teacher any extra work." Because it's your job to educate us, much like it is the janitors job to clean the school. The difference is you went to college, and the janitor still attends the high school they clean. (That's probably not true, but it works for my point.) The point here is, not allowing me coffee in first, or second period, is just cruel. I'm a teenager you are dragging out of bed at six in the morning to get ready for your stupid school. Let me have caffeine, or I'll murder someone. It is a coffee mug, with a sealing lid. The only way I can make a mess, is if I bludgeon someone to death with it, and that will never happen because I love my mug. SO LET ME HAVE COFFEE IN MY FIRST TWO CLASSES, BECAUSE BY THIRD PERIOD ITS COLD AND NO ONE WANTS COLD COFFEE IN THE MORNINGS UNLESS YOU MAKE IT THAT WAY. HOT COFFEE THAT HAS GONE COLD, IS NOT NICE.
Sincerely, I need caffeine, and you need a breath mint.

Dear USA channel,
I realize that you can't really have a show playing all year long, however, getting me addicted to two of your shows at once, then refusing to start the show again till next summer IS CRUEL. And I will probably complain about this a lot, it makes me very mad.
Sincerely, seriously addicted to Suits.

Dear adults,
I realize that as a teenager, you don't always think that my views are right, or with your time. That's cool, as a teenager, I think you're old and outdated. We both have negative views of each other. But neither of us is really right. So at least let me finish a statement. I hate being interrupted, but the one thing I hate more is when an adult brings up a subject, usually politics or religion, and once they realize that my ideas don't line up perfectly with theirs, they cut me off, and start preaching their views. Damnit if you start a conversation, let me finish my thought, my ideas, and listen to me politely. I'll do the same for you. Adults always say that teenagers are so rude, maybe its because you treat us like children, want us to act like adults, but don't allow us to have adult views. MAKE UP YOUR MINDS. And treat us like human beings, at one point, you were just like us, so calm down. (If you're still unclear about my point here, go listen to this song.)
Sincerely, stop generalizing and just listen. You won't die.

Dear judges on talent shows,
Get your ears checked, that sucked butthole. That was not a break out talent, that was a break out of the plague. Don't falsely encourage people, do your job and tell people when they suck. PLEASE. Before I throw something at your stupid face, break my tv, and get ground for the rest of my high school career.
Sincerely, Are my ears bleeding?

Mind two? What makes you angry?

Mind Two:

Dear people who say nothing tastes as good as skinny feels,
ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!?!? Have you never tasted chocolate cake or donuts or any candy bar ever? Obviously the only thing you have ever eaten are vegetables, cause those things are gross and I would totally work out over sitting around eating vegetables all day. Seriously, buy some taste buds or something. I heard they sell them at Wal-Mart. Working out will only make you skinny, thats it. Nothing more. Maybe fit. Sure, everyone cares what you look like, but if you put on some extra makeup no one will notice your fat. Buy some spandex and move on with your life.
Sincerely, you are making me feel bad about myself.

Dear religious people,
Having a religion is kind of like having a dick. It's fine that you have one and are proud of it, but when you start waving it in my face, that's when we have a problem. I already go to church so I know I am going to hell for that comment above, so you can stop preaching to me about it.
Sincerely, I will NOT show you mine if you show me yours first.

Dear razor commercials,
Really? Your shaving a hairless leg? Wow. That totally makes me want to buy you because I now know you can totally shave my disgustingly hairy legs! Not. You want to impress me, shave a bear.
Sincerely, at least try to be realistic.


And since I am out of stuff to rant about, one funny one for you.

Dear Taylor Swift,
He had a one hand feel on the steering wheel, the other on my heart.
Sincerely, does that mean he's touching your boob?