50 Shades of Disappointment

*Warning* If you liked 50 Shades of Grey, I do not recommend this blog post, because I am going to rant and destroy that book. It also contains lots of spoilers.

Mind Two:

Remember a couple years ago, when 50 Shades of Grey came out and everyone was obsessed with it? I never read it. But now Mind One has given me access to her kindle because she's a good friend and has convinced me to read the trilogy. So far, I am not impressed and I'm not even finished with the first book. Now since this book is a couple years old, I am sure someone out there has already given it a bad review, but since the movie is about to come out, I feel I should just go ahead and point out all the things wrong with this book.

Book 1.

1. "Inner goddess". If Anastasia Steele says this word one more time, I will scream. "Inner goddess" is not a real thing. Hate to tell you this, Miss Steele, but that inner goddess voice probably just means your crazy.

2. I had a teacher in high school named Mrs. Steele. It really freaks me out when Christian Grey calls Ana that.

3. What about the part where she freaks out about birth control? Why does she need to obsess over it so much? If you forget to take the pill, just take it when you remember and wear a condom for a couple days. Set a fucking reminder on your phone if it is really that difficult for you.

4. How does Ana know this is actually the best sex of her life? She has NO experience. Like, not even hand stuff. Nothing. She's barely ever been kissed and now all of a sudden she's a submissive? Ok, well most people like to start small but whatever Ana. Go ahead and set unrealistic expectations for every girl ever. Because most first times are not that good. And no one waits till they are 22 to lose their virginity anymore. This isn't 1912.

5. Does this book have a plot line? Because I hate to tell you this E.L James, but having sex in every place you can imagine is not a plot line.

6. Oh my Lord I HATE Anastasia Steele. First of all, that is an awful name. Horrible. Does the author of this book realize that when you write your own book, you are allowed to choose literally any name in the world? And out of all the names, she chose Anastasia? That's the name of a friggin' kids movie. And second, Ana is dumber than a box of nails. Do not ask Christian to beat the living shit out of you and then go off crying when he does, you dumb slut.

7. Christian Grey is extremely controlling and creepy. If a man ever tried to tell me what to eat and when to eat and how many times a week I should be exercising, I would be gone so fast.  And what about the part where he just casually breaks into her apartment, and is there waiting for her when she gets home? Does Ana ever question this? No, because she is a dumb slut.
"Christian, why the hell are you in my apartment? I never gave you a key."
"Because I am creepy as all hell, Ana. I just had to see you, so I just broke in here.  Let's pretend it's romantic."
"Ok, Christian. It's romantic and we can have sex now."
*Not a quote from the actual book.

8. Ok Ana. Please stop calling him Fifty. I realize he is 50 shades of fucked up, but that's not exactly a good pet name. And why would you want to be reminded of that anyway?

Book 2.

(0.5-the in-between of the first two books). Ok. So it's totally cool to let someone beat the shit out of you, to physically ask for that, and then run off crying like a little bitch? Wow. Great main character. And 5 days? You really can't go five days without him? And you have all of a sudden stopped eating? Ana, you dumb slut. You left him. Because you can't handle what you asked for. And now your gonna whine about it? I hate Ana so much.

1. Oh my God, Does this book have a plot line? Are my eyes deceiving me? There's like, an actual story developing here.  A creepy ex trying to kill Ana? This is a story I can get behind.

2. Oh, we're back to sex in weird places. (The pool table. Really. Really for real.)

3. Ooh, more almost plot line. Ana almost gets killed! But then it just sort of dissolves. Balls.

4. I learned that this started out as Twilight fanfiction.  Now I understand why the writing is so fucking awful.  Pretty sure my high school essays were better written than this book.

5. Leila (the girl who almost killed Ana) is my new favorite character. Can we go back to her please?

6. Ana almost gets killed by Christian's creepy ex-sub and now Christian wants to marry Ana? Talk about an inappropriate stress reaction.

8. Are you kidding me? Ana is frickin pissed at you Christian and now you want to have sex with her? Sex is not the answer to everything, Try talking for once.

7. Even the emails aren't funny anymore. It's more like Christian being a whiny, needy, little bitch and Ana getting frustrated.

8. YOU DO NOT ASK A GIRL TO MARRY YOU OVER AN EMAIL. OH MY GOD. CHRISTIAN. PULL YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS.

9. How is it that so many guys are in love with Ana, one of the most dull, boring, flat characters I have ever heard of, and I am still single?

10. WE GET IT. YOUR IN LOVE WITH CHRISTIAN GREY. CAN YOU PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT IT.

11. Oh, I see. Having a fucked up boyfriend isn't enough. Gotta go ahead and throw a fucked up boss in there too.

12. Hmm. Christian goes missing for not even 12 hours and everyone freaks the fuck out.  And Ana falls apart. Anyone else seeing any relation to Twilight?

13. So a guy asks you to marry him, no ring, no proper proposal, and you just decide to say yes? Fantastic.

14. Can we move past all this stupid-ass jealousy stuff yet?

15. This book is ten-thousand times mushier than the last one and it's grossing me out.

16. THANK YOU ANA'S PARENTS FOR SAYING IT IS TOO SOON TO GET MARRIED.

17. FINALLY a nice proposal from Christian.  Although that part usually comes before the engagement party.

18. Ok seriously the mushiness is making me physically gag. "I love him with all my heart and soul and I like hearts and flowers" Ick.

19. Yay this book is over! Celebration time!

Book 3.

1. Aww fuck. There's another book. Props to E.L James for trying to leave the last book with a cliffhanger.

2. YOU CAN'T DEDICATE A SEX BOOK TO YOUR DAD OMG.

3. Yeah it's real great that you tried to add in some plot with Christian's dark past and all, but you wayyyy over shot it.  Seriously nobody has a past that dark and if they do they usually end up in prison.

4. "She is sunshine. She is light . . . She is his." I'm still gagging over here.  And just so you know, the proper way to write an ellipses is with a space between every dot, which apparently this author doesn't know.

5. Oh so let's just skip the entire wedding scene.  No need to bother with it when you only spend the last half of an entire book talking about it.

6. Oh good.  We actually get a couple paragraphs about the wedding.

7. What is with Ana talking about her inner goddess reading? Like, can we just forget about this dumb inner goddess crap?

8. Christian. Women can drive a goddamn jet ski. It's not a tank. There are 3 security people with her, for fucks sake. Let's drop this creepy, overprotective crap, too.

8. "50 Shades of Grey is only romantic because the guy is billionaire. If he lived in a trailer house, it would be the next episode of Criminal Minds" THANK YOU TO WHOEVER SAID THIS.

9. You know, it's usually really cute when a guy is overprotective and a little jealous, but it mostly just makes me want to yell at Christian.

10. For fucks sake Christian. You need to take a chill pill and let your wife go to the bar with her goddamn best friend.

11. Every time Christian sounds a little bit angry, Ana freaks the fuck out.  Her heart is always sinking or dropping into her stomach.  That is not the sign of a good relationship.  I understand he is concerned for your safety, but if you have security literally right next to you, I actually do not think it matters one bit.  Ana would probably be less safe in her own, giant home, where security is not right next to her.  Christian, lighten up or I'm gonna start throwing lamps at you.

12. Ok. What is the deal with this Gia chick.  Ana. You are married to apparently the hottest gazillionaire on the planet (although he isn't really that attractive in the movie). GIRLS ARE GOING TO LOOK AT HIM. But you married him. That should be enough for you. He gave a ring and apparently reads you his vows all the fucking time, so can we not with the jealousy bullshit. Stop doubting that he loves you.

13. I really hate this book, but I will power through so I can keep telling my devoted readers just how shitty it is.

14. Ladies, I do not think Ana's methods will bring you a man, If I see anyone acting like her or, God forbid, biting their lip, I will come unglued and smack the shit outta you.

15. Ana. Grow a pair and stop apologizing. For. Every. Little. Thing.

16. For the love of God. Someone please how explain how birth control works to Ana.  If you have lots of sex while using no form of birth control, your chances of getting pregnant are very, very high.  Ana, you dumb slut.

17. Aaaaand of course Christian way over reacts to the pregnancy news.  Sorry that sex is all you two have in common and a baby will disrupt that, but unplanned pregnancies happen all the time, especially when your wife is such a dumbass.

18. Can you stop talking about your subconscious? "My subconscious raises a finely plucked brow at me." I literally give no shits about the voices in your head.

19. Ana you are not good at swearing, Perhaps you should leave it to the professionals.

20. Ana you are getting dumber and dumber as the book goes on. If someone calls you asking for ransom, CALL THE GODDAMN POLICE OR FBI OR SOMETHING AND DO NOT DO ANYTHING BY YOURSELF.

Alright I have finally finished all three books.  I know my comments have been harsh, so I will leave my readers with a happy note. I am a sucker for a happy ending, and the end of this book was the best part. I am no way recomending this to anyone, because it is torture to get to the end, but the ending was nice and I liked it. For everyone else, that suffered the same way I did, I feel your pain. For those of you that liked this series, talk to Mind One.

From the Library, Not With Love

Mind Two:
In honor of Flashback Friday, I would like to tell everyone a story about the time I accidentally got my friend and I banned from the library for life.

First of all, you should know that I did basically nothing my senior year of high school.  I worked my ass off the first three years of high school, so I decided a break would be nice before I had to go on to the much more challenging world of college.  For my 6th period class, I had "independent study", which meant I was supposed to be doing my online English class, but really I sat in the library and bullshitted with people for an hour.  As it happens, one of these friends was The Boy Who Ripped His Pants, and the other was my friend who was taking online English with me.  We shall call her Moony, as dubbed by Mind One.

Now the thing about the three of us is that we are all hilarious people.  So it's not really our fault that we tend to laugh a lot, especially at each other's jokes.  And sometimes we get a little bit loud, but it didn't really matter that much because there was never anyone else in the library.

The day of the Incident started off perfectly normal.  Moony and I were sitting on the couch in the library, and The Boy wandered over from the front desk to join us.  We weren't being any louder than normal, but the librarian was in a particularly bad mood.  She came over to tell us to get to work.  We politely informed her that all the computers were full, because an entire class with their teacher had come in to use the computers.  She glared at us for a minute, then snapped at The Boy to get back to the desk.  She mumbled under her breath all the way to her office.  Moony and I continued talking for a while.  With approximately 2-3 minutes left of class time, the class that had come in all logged off the computers and left.  This prompted the librarian to pick up where she left off yelling at us.  She told us that now we needed to get to work because the computers weren't full anymore.  We, again politely, informed her that there were less than 5 minutes left in class and we wouldn't even have time to get logged on.  Her response to this was, "Fine, than you can just leave."

I was shocked by this outburst of rudeness.  Moony and I started packing our things.  On the way out of the door, I smiled over my shoulder at her and said in my sweetest, sappiest voice, "Have a nice day, [librarian]."

The next day in a different class, my friend got called to the office and informed me that the counselor had been the one to call her out of class, saying that the librarian didn't want us in the library anymore, so we were to go to her office from now on.

One more small detail.  It has been questioned several times whether or not I added a "bitch" on to the end of that last sentence.  I am not willing to confirm or deny this because I actually can't remember anymore.  Everyone knows I don't have the best control over my mouth, so it wouldn't be a surprise if this last part actually happened.

This whole fiasco prompted my science teacher to hang this up in his classroom, for a few months.  It might actually still be there.

The fact that is says "look how much a single smile can do" just makes everything a million times better.

UPDATE:

Moony has informed me that I did not call the librarian a bitch, no matter how much I wanted to.

She also said the reason we didn't get a computer was because we were actually helping the librarian haul books to the dumpster, which makes me feel completely justified in all of my actions.

One last thing. Did I mention Moony and I (Mind Two) were the valedictorians? Well we were and I'm pretty sure we were the only valedictorians to get kicked out of a library.

The Time Mind One Met Her Match and It Was a Centipede

Mind one.
This debacle took place week two of AIT, when post basic stress syndrome was still very real, and roommate and I were both wound up tight. Roommate had made an unequivocally poor decision, she ventured forth from the sanctuary of our room to mingle with the commoners, low life's, and other miscreants. (Read: our classmates) Being the wise individual I am, I stayed behind. Being able to shower alone still hadn't, nor will it ever, lost its glory, so I gleefully stripped down. With my supplies at the ready, I made the first offensive strike towards the shower. It retaliated by spitting up a five inch long, scaly, red-Brown hell spawn of a centipede. Now, our bath mat is an odd shade of brown, so it wasn't until I nearly stepped on this multi legged demon that I noticed it. I did what any warrior does in their first battle. I froze, panicked, and nearly Shit myself. Taking my soldier skills into use, I called for indirect fire on it's location, or in civilian terms I bombed the ever living Shit out if it with shampoo bottles. No effect, the thousand-legged-demon is still alive, and based on its mandible movements, bitch was planning a counter offensive. So I launched chemical weaponry. I unleashed a hell storm of febreeze, Windex, and scrubbing bubbles. And it's still MOVING. FUCK. So I called for back up. Roomie is from Oklahoma, aka, home to the largest collection of freak insects. Roommate got a phone call something like this, "COME KILL THIS THING BEFORE I NUKE THE WHOLE POST." She opened the door to find a still very naked me, armed with febreeze and a combat boot in each hand. At this point the trauma was too much. All I did was point at the bathroom and hiss. Roommate spots Satan's vessel on earth chilling on the mat, and SHE COO'S AT IT LIKE IT'S SOME SORT OF FLUFFY NON LUCIFER SPAWN THOUSAND LEGGED FIVE INCHES OF PURE TERROR AND HORROR. NOT ONLY DID SHE HAVE THE AUDACITY TO CUDDLE THE DEVIL BUG, BUT SHE DIDN'T EVEN KILL IT. SHE "RESCUED" THE SON OF A BITCH. She was on my Shit list for a solid week, and I no longer trust my bath mat.

The Minds Are Back in Action (Briefly)

Mind Two:

THE MINDS WERE REUNITED OVER THE WEEKEND AND IT WAS THE MOST WONDERFUL THING QUITE POSSIBLY EVER!

So you guys get stories from this weekend. First, look at all the pictures we took together and how amazingly photogenic we are.

And I just want to say to those of you that don't know what it's like to have to be apart from your best friend in the entire world, you lucky bastards.  It is no fun and I had no idea how much I actually missed Mind One until I got to spend time with her, only to realize we would soon have to be parted.

Ok, story time now.

Day 1 of the Reunion.
I get lost trying to get INTO the military base. Sometimes I question my ability to be an adult.

The gate guy saw my drivers license and pronounced Oregon as Oar-e-gone.

Mind One and I had agreed upon a spot to meet, but I walked into the gas station as she was walking out through a different exit, which led to us missing each other and me getting a snapchat of my car. I also sort of screamed her roommates name and scared the shit out of her. I had never met her before but I recognized her from her Facebook picture.

Then I got to meet Mind One's military friends (or people she tolerates, whatever you want to call it).  One of them was very attractive.
And we watched about half of Brave before I left.

And then Mind Two almost got trapped in an elevator.  I have always had a fear of being trapped in an elevator and tonight made it worse.  I got in, pushed the second floor button, and when the elevator stopped, the doors wouldn't open. I immediately started panicking. I had no idea what to do if I was actually stuck in the elevator.  So I tried pushing the open door button, multiple times, and nothing happened.  Then I pushed the first floor button, and it lit up. After what felt like a lifetime but was only  a couple seconds, I felt the elevator move. Panic attack over. Then I felt it stop, so I hit the open door button and after a couple seconds, the doors opened. I am probably never riding in an elevator again, and yes I did get off and walk up the stairs.

Day 2 of the Reunion.
I didn't get to see Mind One a lot this day.  I did win points though because I brought her steak from Texas Roadhouse that was so rare it looked like they cut off a steer's horns, wiped it's nasty old ass, and slapped it on a plate (well a to-go box).  And I ate soft cookies (points to Mind One for making her roommate buy them for me) and Texas Roadhouse rolls for dinner.  Then Mind One got frustrated at her email and I watched her passive-aggressively click away at a computer trying to fix her email.  


Day 3 of the Reunion.
I had to head back to school on this day.  So Mind One bought me coffee and donuts before I had to leave.  And I made the mistake of wearing a sparkly shirt and my hair down, so the testosterone in the room was overwhelming.  To fix this, we picked a table near a trashcan so no one would be tempted to sit by us.

On the drive home, I hit rush hour traffic in Phoenix.  In case you are wondering, this was not a fun time.  By the time I got off the freeway that was moving at 20 mph, I was basically an angry ball of rage.  So to fix this fact, I went and dyed my hair and it turned out waaay darker than expected, which didn't really help my mood at all.

The Minds also made some plans for Christmas, when we will officially be together again for a decent amount of time.  And in this time we will cause so many shenanigans.

Mind one has a political rage fit

Mind one here.
If you don't like opinion filed, rage rants. I suggest you about face right off my blog. Cause this going to beautiful. Here are some things that really "grind my gears".
1. All of the limp wristed, panty waisted, mouth breathing, cowards that deem ISIS (or whatever in the great gallop horse fuck they are calling themselves this week) to be "not America's problem." Whoa there bud. A radical insurgent group hell bent on taking over the whole world, which at last check included America, and imposing Shariah law on the whole planet is a bit our concern. From a more personal (read soldier) perspective, I am not a fan of the idea of the entire damn earth being a terrorist stomping ground. Also, in the soldiers creed (civilians please navigate to google to follow along), there is a line, "I am a guardian of freedom and the American way of life." Hold up. Go back and read it again. "...and the American way of life." Not "only the American way of life." Now call me quirky but I see that as I am a guardian of all freedom, not just freedom as we receive it. Freedom for every single person on this rock orbiting the great fireball in the sky. So yes, I think we should go boots on the ground against ISIS, not because it is "an American problem", also because the amount of suffering and pain ISIS is inflicting is something that any half decent human should feel compelled to stop, but over all for the simple reason that ISIS is currently and intends to continue to trample all over freedom and that's the shit I don't like.

2. Once again, insert insults of your choice here, "Ebola isn't that big of a deal". Are you sure? Go and contract it, then see his big of a deal it is. If I see one more graph comparing Ebola to all the other various causes of death in Africa at the moment I'm going to go super saiyan. Posting up a half cocked graph proclaiming Ebola as a "low ranking cause of death" to support your selfish ideals that we stay uninvolved is nauseating. You are essentially telling the world, "Ebola hasn't killed enough people to take it seriously yet.". News flash here, we have the resources, technology, and man power to help prevent the spread of Ebola. Shit, China has a cure in the works. Comparing AIDS to Ebola is monumentally ridiculous, and I ask you to navigate to google once again to learn a bit about both. As it stands we can't do much about AIDS, which sucks, but that doesn't mean we can't do something for Ebola.

(If I have a choice though, I'd rather be deployed against ISIS, because terrorists die just like everyone else, but you can't exactly shoot Ebola in the face.)

3. To those of you still clinging to Vietnam era prejudices, and those hipster twat-bags who have adopted said prejudices to be ironic, I'm sorry to disappoint you. Killing babies 101 was not offered at my basic training, or AIT. Intro to stealing human rights was also missing. Whoops. While I personally haven't run up against any one sitting spouting that kind of ill-conceived non-sense, my battle buddies have. I'll leave this here, just know the first person to call me a baby killer is going to have hell fire rain down upon their heads.

4. "It's too bad you couldn't go to college and had to go to the army."  Every time I hear this, or a statement along those lines, I have the same reaction. *screaming internally*. Let's get something in the clear right here. No matter how lazy I was in high school, or how much effort I didn't put into finding a college, the army was never a last resort. It was option number one. College was my fallback, door number two, second chance, whatever. Now that the army is going good for me I'll go to college whenever I damn well please. I can do both. That free will is a bitch ain't it?

Two cups of coffee, and a large amount of loud hateful music went into above post, so take it as it is. I feel better with the rant out of the way.

Private smart ass over and out.

Letters From Basic

Mind Two:
So Mind One went to Basic Training for the army this summer. The Mind's were separated for quite some time and it pretty much sucked. Mind One couldn't text me every second of every day like normal. So we were reserved to writing letters. And we always had lots to say. However, there are certain ways you talk to your best friend and Mind One and I were no different. We always had inappropriate but hilarious stories to share with each other. Communicating through letters was no different. Which is why I feel the need to share a few of the gems Mind One has written me over the summer. I won't share the whole letter cause privacy and just a warning, most of the things Mind One and I say to each other are offensive, so if you don't like language stop reading right now. But you're missing out because Mind One and I are frickin hilarious.

Letter #1 (June 23rd, 2014)
I'm on fireguard right now, which is Army speak for "wake up and stay up for 1 hour because fuck sleep".
So far Basic doesn't suck quite as much dick as I was afraid of.
P.S. Pulling fire guard makes me want to suck start an M16.

Letter #2 (June 7th, 2014)
I'm writing this after lights out and a drill sergeant just came in and flipped shit.
Now I can't have my flashlight on so I'm writing and reading by the light of the exit sign.
P.S. I ripped skin off my middle finger today on Treadwell Tower.

Letter #3 (July 4th, 2014)
As Drill Sergeant Melnyk said, "Happy fuck England day privates!"
Also remember, the only people that get their happy endings without a rocky road are ignorant bitches.
Yesterday I had my first drill sergeant screaming in my face incident. There were 2 and guess what they were yelling about? Top Gun. The fucking movie. What even is my life?

Letter #4 (July 11th, 2014)
I named my M16 Irene. And I zeroed her in today. Me and Irene are gonna tear shit up mother fucker.

Letter #5 (July 17th, 2014)
I ghetto rigged coffee today at lunch. Instant coffee and creamer and sugar. It was awful, and wonderful. I need coffee and a fucking month away from all these females. Sweet sugar tits. Today was not a good day.
FYI there is a book called "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell" that our drill sergeant told us about today. (You can bet your sweet ass Mind Two will find this book and read it!)

Letter #6 (July 18th, 2014)
Throat punch that girl. Fucking stomp a mudhole in her ass. Nuke her until she glows, then shoot her in the dark. Punch her so hard in the chest her heart stops and she dies.

Letter #7 (August 2nd, 2014)
You're taking your sweet ass time to send me another letter shit bag.
There are 2 certified Africans from Africa. And they speak fucking horse shit languages and it ruins my day.
Can I still kill her? I know like 8 different ways now. Army certified.
I'm going to the Wiccan ceremony tomorrow cause it's a holiday and we'll get cookies and shit. Some real black and ghetto girls want me to learn how to twerk.

Letter #8 ( August 10th, 2014)
Fun fact: Bacon every day here. But the pancakes are bullshit.
I NEED COFFEE! HOLY SHIT TITS.
Story on this page AKA the time a giant moth almost ruined my Army career. (This is Mind Two's favorite story). There are fucking huge moths here. They're called Wolf Moths. I saw one where each wing was the size of my hand. My. Giant. Man. Hand. Each wing. I nearly shit all over during PT. The first sergeant is standing in front of me and I'm at attention. Out of my peripheral vision, I see this big ass flying...thing. And in my head I'm all, "Bat! fuck fuck fuck". On the outside I was all position of attention soldier face. Then it gets a little closer. And it's a giant moth. Like Mothzilla flying near my first sergeant's head. So I did what any reasonable private would have done. I made a purdy disgusted face. Which made the first sergeant follow my eye line. He sees Satan's pet moth hovering over his shoulder, looks back at me, and makes the same face. So the first sergeant and I are basically like this:

So I panic. And I look to the center of the PT formation and all I see is 2 of my drill sergeant's fucking staring at this moth and backing up and covering their faces. Later I ask my roommate and THEY FUCKING FLY AT PEOPLE'S FACES AND THEY BITE AND THEY GET EVEN BIGGER. LIKE ONE WING=ONE PAGE OF A PIECE OF PAPER. FUCK OKLAHOMA.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what I had to look forward to every week. Don't you wish your best friend was as funny as mine?

Mind Two vs. Biology 181

Mind Two:
Guess who is in Arizona, just like Mind Two? That's right! Mind One! We are officially in the same state again! And thank God for that because I am lost without my other mind. Literally. Last Thursday was the official start of classes for me. I have 18 credits this semester, which is a lot, including two science classes. Friday I had my first Biology class. I sat through another hour of a different teacher explaining a very similar syllabus to all the other ones. But this teacher was different. She was sarcastic and kind of cranky and has bitchy resting face and loves to eat and sleep. She is basically both of the Minds wrapped into one wonderful person. Towards the end of class, she lectured a little bit. About genetics. And I thought, "Damn, I'm a freshman in a genetics biology class. I'm so fricken smart." Nowhere along the line did it occur to me that this class was actually pretty advanced. When I got back to my dorm, I tried to register for the online homework, only I kept getting an error message. I finally emailed my teacher about it and she responded saying that there was no Shania in her class roster. So I got to looking around and saw that my online schedule said something different from the printed schedule they gave me at orientation. Awesome. So I emailed a few people and for my very first biology class as a freshman in college, I went to the wrong class. Fricken wonderful. I guess tomorrow I will go to my real biology class and see what that one is like. Probably not as cool of a teacher. Damn.

Since Mind One has been transferred to Arizona, she now has computer access. Which means you guys can hear both of the Minds stories again and you don't have to listen to me ramble on about meaningless stuff that I think is funny. Normally Mind One is here to give me the veto. Don't worry, she will probably have her computer within the week. So she can keep me in check and come up with better titles.

To finish this off, I will share with you the best advice I have ever gotten from a beer bottle.