The Time Mind One Met Her Match and It Was a Centipede

Mind one.
This debacle took place week two of AIT, when post basic stress syndrome was still very real, and roommate and I were both wound up tight. Roommate had made an unequivocally poor decision, she ventured forth from the sanctuary of our room to mingle with the commoners, low life's, and other miscreants. (Read: our classmates) Being the wise individual I am, I stayed behind. Being able to shower alone still hadn't, nor will it ever, lost its glory, so I gleefully stripped down. With my supplies at the ready, I made the first offensive strike towards the shower. It retaliated by spitting up a five inch long, scaly, red-Brown hell spawn of a centipede. Now, our bath mat is an odd shade of brown, so it wasn't until I nearly stepped on this multi legged demon that I noticed it. I did what any warrior does in their first battle. I froze, panicked, and nearly Shit myself. Taking my soldier skills into use, I called for indirect fire on it's location, or in civilian terms I bombed the ever living Shit out if it with shampoo bottles. No effect, the thousand-legged-demon is still alive, and based on its mandible movements, bitch was planning a counter offensive. So I launched chemical weaponry. I unleashed a hell storm of febreeze, Windex, and scrubbing bubbles. And it's still MOVING. FUCK. So I called for back up. Roomie is from Oklahoma, aka, home to the largest collection of freak insects. Roommate got a phone call something like this, "COME KILL THIS THING BEFORE I NUKE THE WHOLE POST." She opened the door to find a still very naked me, armed with febreeze and a combat boot in each hand. At this point the trauma was too much. All I did was point at the bathroom and hiss. Roommate spots Satan's vessel on earth chilling on the mat, and SHE COO'S AT IT LIKE IT'S SOME SORT OF FLUFFY NON LUCIFER SPAWN THOUSAND LEGGED FIVE INCHES OF PURE TERROR AND HORROR. NOT ONLY DID SHE HAVE THE AUDACITY TO CUDDLE THE DEVIL BUG, BUT SHE DIDN'T EVEN KILL IT. SHE "RESCUED" THE SON OF A BITCH. She was on my Shit list for a solid week, and I no longer trust my bath mat.