Mind one.
This debacle took place week two of AIT, when post basic stress syndrome was still very real, and roommate and I were both wound up tight. Roommate had made an unequivocally poor decision, she ventured forth from the sanctuary of our room to mingle with the commoners, low life's, and other miscreants. (Read: our classmates) Being the wise individual I am, I stayed behind. Being able to shower alone still hadn't, nor will it ever, lost its glory, so I gleefully stripped down. With my supplies at the ready, I made the first offensive strike towards the shower. It retaliated by spitting up a five inch long, scaly, red-Brown hell spawn of a centipede. Now, our bath mat is an odd shade of brown, so it wasn't until I nearly stepped on this multi legged demon that I noticed it. I did what any warrior does in their first battle. I froze, panicked, and nearly Shit myself. Taking my soldier skills into use, I called for indirect fire on it's location, or in civilian terms I bombed the ever living Shit out if it with shampoo bottles. No effect, the thousand-legged-demon is still alive, and based on its mandible movements, bitch was planning a counter offensive. So I launched chemical weaponry. I unleashed a hell storm of febreeze, Windex, and scrubbing bubbles. And it's still MOVING. FUCK. So I called for back up. Roomie is from Oklahoma, aka, home to the largest collection of freak insects. Roommate got a phone call something like this, "COME KILL THIS THING BEFORE I NUKE THE WHOLE POST." She opened the door to find a still very naked me, armed with febreeze and a combat boot in each hand. At this point the trauma was too much. All I did was point at the bathroom and hiss. Roommate spots Satan's vessel on earth chilling on the mat, and SHE COO'S AT IT LIKE IT'S SOME SORT OF FLUFFY NON LUCIFER SPAWN THOUSAND LEGGED FIVE INCHES OF PURE TERROR AND HORROR. NOT ONLY DID SHE HAVE THE AUDACITY TO CUDDLE THE DEVIL BUG, BUT SHE DIDN'T EVEN KILL IT. SHE "RESCUED" THE SON OF A BITCH. She was on my Shit list for a solid week, and I no longer trust my bath mat.
Tuesday, October 21, 2014
Monday, October 20, 2014
The Minds Are Back in Action (Briefly)
Mind Two:
THE MINDS WERE REUNITED OVER THE WEEKEND AND IT WAS THE MOST WONDERFUL THING QUITE POSSIBLY EVER!
So you guys get stories from this weekend. First, look at all the pictures we took together and how amazingly photogenic we are.
Day 1 of the Reunion.
I get lost trying to get INTO the military base. Sometimes I question my ability to be an adult.
The gate guy saw my drivers license and pronounced Oregon as Oar-e-gone.
Mind One and I had agreed upon a spot to meet, but I walked into the gas station as she was walking out through a different exit, which led to us missing each other and me getting a snapchat of my car. I also sort of screamed her roommates name and scared the shit out of her. I had never met her before but I recognized her from her Facebook picture.
Then I got to meet Mind One's military friends (or people she tolerates, whatever you want to call it). One of them was very attractive.
And we watched about half of Brave before I left.
And then Mind Two almost got trapped in an elevator. I have always had a fear of being trapped in an elevator and tonight made it worse. I got in, pushed the second floor button, and when the elevator stopped, the doors wouldn't open. I immediately started panicking. I had no idea what to do if I was actually stuck in the elevator. So I tried pushing the open door button, multiple times, and nothing happened. Then I pushed the first floor button, and it lit up. After what felt like a lifetime but was only a couple seconds, I felt the elevator move. Panic attack over. Then I felt it stop, so I hit the open door button and after a couple seconds, the doors opened. I am probably never riding in an elevator again, and yes I did get off and walk up the stairs.
Day 2 of the Reunion.
I didn't get to see Mind One a lot this day. I did win points though because I brought her steak from Texas Roadhouse that was so rare it looked like they cut off a steer's horns, wiped it's nasty old ass, and slapped it on a plate (well a to-go box). And I ate soft cookies (points to Mind One for making her roommate buy them for me) and Texas Roadhouse rolls for dinner. Then Mind One got frustrated at her email and I watched her passive-aggressively click away at a computer trying to fix her email.
Day 3 of the Reunion.
I had to head back to school on this day. So Mind One bought me coffee and donuts before I had to leave. And I made the mistake of wearing a sparkly shirt and my hair down, so the testosterone in the room was overwhelming. To fix this, we picked a table near a trashcan so no one would be tempted to sit by us.
On the drive home, I hit rush hour traffic in Phoenix. In case you are wondering, this was not a fun time. By the time I got off the freeway that was moving at 20 mph, I was basically an angry ball of rage. So to fix this fact, I went and dyed my hair and it turned out waaay darker than expected, which didn't really help my mood at all.
The Minds also made some plans for Christmas, when we will officially be together again for a decent amount of time. And in this time we will cause so many shenanigans.
THE MINDS WERE REUNITED OVER THE WEEKEND AND IT WAS THE MOST WONDERFUL THING QUITE POSSIBLY EVER!
So you guys get stories from this weekend. First, look at all the pictures we took together and how amazingly photogenic we are.
And I just want to say to those of you that don't know what it's like to have to be apart from your best friend in the entire world, you lucky bastards. It is no fun and I had no idea how much I actually missed Mind One until I got to spend time with her, only to realize we would soon have to be parted.
Ok, story time now.
Day 1 of the Reunion.
I get lost trying to get INTO the military base. Sometimes I question my ability to be an adult.
The gate guy saw my drivers license and pronounced Oregon as Oar-e-gone.
Mind One and I had agreed upon a spot to meet, but I walked into the gas station as she was walking out through a different exit, which led to us missing each other and me getting a snapchat of my car. I also sort of screamed her roommates name and scared the shit out of her. I had never met her before but I recognized her from her Facebook picture.
Then I got to meet Mind One's military friends (or people she tolerates, whatever you want to call it). One of them was very attractive.
And we watched about half of Brave before I left.
And then Mind Two almost got trapped in an elevator. I have always had a fear of being trapped in an elevator and tonight made it worse. I got in, pushed the second floor button, and when the elevator stopped, the doors wouldn't open. I immediately started panicking. I had no idea what to do if I was actually stuck in the elevator. So I tried pushing the open door button, multiple times, and nothing happened. Then I pushed the first floor button, and it lit up. After what felt like a lifetime but was only a couple seconds, I felt the elevator move. Panic attack over. Then I felt it stop, so I hit the open door button and after a couple seconds, the doors opened. I am probably never riding in an elevator again, and yes I did get off and walk up the stairs.
Day 2 of the Reunion.
I didn't get to see Mind One a lot this day. I did win points though because I brought her steak from Texas Roadhouse that was so rare it looked like they cut off a steer's horns, wiped it's nasty old ass, and slapped it on a plate (well a to-go box). And I ate soft cookies (points to Mind One for making her roommate buy them for me) and Texas Roadhouse rolls for dinner. Then Mind One got frustrated at her email and I watched her passive-aggressively click away at a computer trying to fix her email.
Day 3 of the Reunion.
I had to head back to school on this day. So Mind One bought me coffee and donuts before I had to leave. And I made the mistake of wearing a sparkly shirt and my hair down, so the testosterone in the room was overwhelming. To fix this, we picked a table near a trashcan so no one would be tempted to sit by us.
On the drive home, I hit rush hour traffic in Phoenix. In case you are wondering, this was not a fun time. By the time I got off the freeway that was moving at 20 mph, I was basically an angry ball of rage. So to fix this fact, I went and dyed my hair and it turned out waaay darker than expected, which didn't really help my mood at all.
The Minds also made some plans for Christmas, when we will officially be together again for a decent amount of time. And in this time we will cause so many shenanigans.
Sunday, October 19, 2014
Mind one has a political rage fit
Mind one here.
If you don't like opinion filed, rage rants. I suggest you about face right off my blog. Cause this going to beautiful. Here are some things that really "grind my gears".
1. All of the limp wristed, panty waisted, mouth breathing, cowards that deem ISIS (or whatever in the great gallop horse fuck they are calling themselves this week) to be "not America's problem." Whoa there bud. A radical insurgent group hell bent on taking over the whole world, which at last check included America, and imposing Shariah law on the whole planet is a bit our concern. From a more personal (read soldier) perspective, I am not a fan of the idea of the entire damn earth being a terrorist stomping ground. Also, in the soldiers creed (civilians please navigate to google to follow along), there is a line, "I am a guardian of freedom and the American way of life." Hold up. Go back and read it again. "...and the American way of life." Not "only the American way of life." Now call me quirky but I see that as I am a guardian of all freedom, not just freedom as we receive it. Freedom for every single person on this rock orbiting the great fireball in the sky. So yes, I think we should go boots on the ground against ISIS, not because it is "an American problem", also because the amount of suffering and pain ISIS is inflicting is something that any half decent human should feel compelled to stop, but over all for the simple reason that ISIS is currently and intends to continue to trample all over freedom and that's the shit I don't like.
2. Once again, insert insults of your choice here, "Ebola isn't that big of a deal". Are you sure? Go and contract it, then see his big of a deal it is. If I see one more graph comparing Ebola to all the other various causes of death in Africa at the moment I'm going to go super saiyan. Posting up a half cocked graph proclaiming Ebola as a "low ranking cause of death" to support your selfish ideals that we stay uninvolved is nauseating. You are essentially telling the world, "Ebola hasn't killed enough people to take it seriously yet.". News flash here, we have the resources, technology, and man power to help prevent the spread of Ebola. Shit, China has a cure in the works. Comparing AIDS to Ebola is monumentally ridiculous, and I ask you to navigate to google once again to learn a bit about both. As it stands we can't do much about AIDS, which sucks, but that doesn't mean we can't do something for Ebola.
(If I have a choice though, I'd rather be deployed against ISIS, because terrorists die just like everyone else, but you can't exactly shoot Ebola in the face.)
3. To those of you still clinging to Vietnam era prejudices, and those hipster twat-bags who have adopted said prejudices to be ironic, I'm sorry to disappoint you. Killing babies 101 was not offered at my basic training, or AIT. Intro to stealing human rights was also missing. Whoops. While I personally haven't run up against any one sitting spouting that kind of ill-conceived non-sense, my battle buddies have. I'll leave this here, just know the first person to call me a baby killer is going to have hell fire rain down upon their heads.
4. "It's too bad you couldn't go to college and had to go to the army." Every time I hear this, or a statement along those lines, I have the same reaction. *screaming internally*. Let's get something in the clear right here. No matter how lazy I was in high school, or how much effort I didn't put into finding a college, the army was never a last resort. It was option number one. College was my fallback, door number two, second chance, whatever. Now that the army is going good for me I'll go to college whenever I damn well please. I can do both. That free will is a bitch ain't it?
Two cups of coffee, and a large amount of loud hateful music went into above post, so take it as it is. I feel better with the rant out of the way.
Private smart ass over and out.
If you don't like opinion filed, rage rants. I suggest you about face right off my blog. Cause this going to beautiful. Here are some things that really "grind my gears".
1. All of the limp wristed, panty waisted, mouth breathing, cowards that deem ISIS (or whatever in the great gallop horse fuck they are calling themselves this week) to be "not America's problem." Whoa there bud. A radical insurgent group hell bent on taking over the whole world, which at last check included America, and imposing Shariah law on the whole planet is a bit our concern. From a more personal (read soldier) perspective, I am not a fan of the idea of the entire damn earth being a terrorist stomping ground. Also, in the soldiers creed (civilians please navigate to google to follow along), there is a line, "I am a guardian of freedom and the American way of life." Hold up. Go back and read it again. "...and the American way of life." Not "only the American way of life." Now call me quirky but I see that as I am a guardian of all freedom, not just freedom as we receive it. Freedom for every single person on this rock orbiting the great fireball in the sky. So yes, I think we should go boots on the ground against ISIS, not because it is "an American problem", also because the amount of suffering and pain ISIS is inflicting is something that any half decent human should feel compelled to stop, but over all for the simple reason that ISIS is currently and intends to continue to trample all over freedom and that's the shit I don't like.
2. Once again, insert insults of your choice here, "Ebola isn't that big of a deal". Are you sure? Go and contract it, then see his big of a deal it is. If I see one more graph comparing Ebola to all the other various causes of death in Africa at the moment I'm going to go super saiyan. Posting up a half cocked graph proclaiming Ebola as a "low ranking cause of death" to support your selfish ideals that we stay uninvolved is nauseating. You are essentially telling the world, "Ebola hasn't killed enough people to take it seriously yet.". News flash here, we have the resources, technology, and man power to help prevent the spread of Ebola. Shit, China has a cure in the works. Comparing AIDS to Ebola is monumentally ridiculous, and I ask you to navigate to google once again to learn a bit about both. As it stands we can't do much about AIDS, which sucks, but that doesn't mean we can't do something for Ebola.
(If I have a choice though, I'd rather be deployed against ISIS, because terrorists die just like everyone else, but you can't exactly shoot Ebola in the face.)
3. To those of you still clinging to Vietnam era prejudices, and those hipster twat-bags who have adopted said prejudices to be ironic, I'm sorry to disappoint you. Killing babies 101 was not offered at my basic training, or AIT. Intro to stealing human rights was also missing. Whoops. While I personally haven't run up against any one sitting spouting that kind of ill-conceived non-sense, my battle buddies have. I'll leave this here, just know the first person to call me a baby killer is going to have hell fire rain down upon their heads.
4. "It's too bad you couldn't go to college and had to go to the army." Every time I hear this, or a statement along those lines, I have the same reaction. *screaming internally*. Let's get something in the clear right here. No matter how lazy I was in high school, or how much effort I didn't put into finding a college, the army was never a last resort. It was option number one. College was my fallback, door number two, second chance, whatever. Now that the army is going good for me I'll go to college whenever I damn well please. I can do both. That free will is a bitch ain't it?
Two cups of coffee, and a large amount of loud hateful music went into above post, so take it as it is. I feel better with the rant out of the way.
Private smart ass over and out.
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