Monster. I am.

Mind one.

Many of you reading this blog have at one point or another in your life, drank that sweet poison..Monster. Now on a normal day, Monster is like any other drink to me, kinda fruity, but good. A few days ago, Monster grabbed my restraint, and threw it over the border. I was overcome by this madness, I was uncontrollable. I was in p.e.!!! Wait...That last part sucked. Being super hyper, and having every mental restraint thrown away is never the best thing to happen to a person. To have it happen at school is horrific. To have it happen during the last period of the day, that's just cruel, and to have that period be P.E. where I was expected to channel this building energy constructively...I felt like I was in a concentration camp.

That day was station day!! Yay!! :D I was so wired that I was bouncing when I walked.

The first few stations went remarkably smoothly, meaning that we were only yelled at five or six times a minute, however, the next station, the "Skier hops" station. It all went bad.

These hops are supposed to be like bunny hops but side to side. I didn't want to ski hop. I wanted to explore a jungle!! :D So that's what I did.
This is what I felt like I did.

Obviously my high school gym does not have vines growing ceiling to floor. I wasn't wear a Jack Hannah explorers hat, and sadly, I wasn't carrying a machete... So in my mind I was hacking my way through a dense jungle. In reality. I was doing this....

My mental image was much cooler. This reality thing sucks.
Finally the sub decided that absolutely nothing would be achieved in the gym, and sent us outside to get some fresh air.

Horrible idea...
She just turned a five nine whirlwind of energy lose upon the world. In the gym I was confined. Outside, there was nothing to stop me or hold me back.

I quickly rounded up a group of observers and decided. "Hey!! I've got a lot of energy. I should tell a story!! And make movements to match it!!"
Great idea.
I decided to hit them with the tale of the Janitor. In our school are these creepy vents in the ceiling. From these vents come strange noises, almost like something is up there, so I improvised and told a story of epic proportions.
(I told this story as if the listener was the actual janitor, and I was retelling their story. Its all very odd)
"Your a Janitor!!! You're sweeping the halls, but the bell!! It has rung!!"

  "My god your time has come!!! Quick to the closet!! Your time is short, and you are on a mission from the queen!!!"

"Now!! There is a trap door above you! This goes to the ventilation system! You must investigate!!! Climb those shelves!!"

The rest of the class period was consumed with me acting out the janitor climbing the shelves, roaming the ventalation system for hours, then reporting on the students and the private conversations.

The other day, Mind one, Mind two, and the non-blogger C-frizzle. (Mind two is going to have to explain that one.) Saw the ladder and trap door leading into the vents from the janitors closet, I'm very scared.

Mind Two:

Haha this story was one of the best she has ever told! My favorite quote-"You knock over a bottle of pledge. It's ok. Your the janitor. You'll get it later"  Probably funnier if you were there. Oh well.

Now for the C-frizzle story and the end of the Janitor story.

My best friend, Cecily, ran in the school election this year for vice-president.  (She won). When you run, you have to make a video and give a speech. The guy she was running against can rap. I mean really rap. She thought everyone was going to vote for him because of his mad rapper skills. To stop this, she decided to make her video of her rapping.  It was great. There was a chicken coop in the background (mine) and my brother dressed up as an old man. Not really dressed up, he wore the same clothes he wears everyday, he just already dresses like an old man. Anyway, you can't be a rapper without a rap name and hers was C-frizzle.

Yes, it is true we found the secret door to the ventilation system. Cecily and I were looking for some buckets that we could fill with water to wash off her chalk from the sidewalk (It said "vote Cecily"). The best person to ask how to clean something? The janitor. She said we should use the buckets in her closet. We went in said closet and then we saw it, THE LADDER. And above it, a trap door. We had found the ladder leading to the vents. I felt like Nancy Drew. And then, at that very moment, Mind One happened to be walking by. And we had to show her. Now, we know her story is true. Mind One is right...I'm very scared.

And then Cecily and I signed the ceiling of the janitor's closet cuz we are cool like that. Mission accomplished.

The Worst Things In Life Are Also Free

Mind Two:

You know that saying "the best things in life are free"? Well, I have a saying to go along with it. The worst things in life are also free.

Has anyone else noticed that? I mean sure, happiness and love and sometimes even puppies are free, but so is running, spiders, and chores. Let me show you a little comparison to prove my point.

Happiness vs. Running

Happiness is great. It is probably the best emotion you can feel. It's like your soul is wearing it's best pair of jeans AND carrying around 6 puppies. While your in the president's private jet eating lobster and caviar and other highly expensive foods. You get the picture.

Running is like getting both your arms amputated because of a shark attack and then being asked to play in the NFL. How are you supposed to tackle people? Or catch the ball? What other possibilities are there for you in life besides learning to brush you hair with your toes and having Bethany Hamilton teach you how to surf? None. At. All.

Love vs. Spiders

Being in love is magnificent. Your always smiling and never cranky and Mondays don't even seem like a challenge anymore. The rest of the world really hates you because you can make it through a Monday without making one snide comment or one sarcastic remark or throwing a pencil at someone. Your just walking around all googly-eyed and oblivious.

Spiders are probably the scariest thing ever invented. Worse than the Loch Ness Monster and Barney and swine flu all combined. As a very smart person once said, "Spiders are like little pieces of death wrapped in scary." And that is probably the smartest thing I have ever heard someone say. They are worse than being sent to bed without dessert and having to be nice to your sibling and doing community service because you accidentally killed someone you didn't really care for with a firecracker. Let's just say they are worse than everything.

Puppies vs. Chores
Everybody loves puppies. If you don't, you were probably Hitler in a previous life. Or just really, really, really, really mean. Puppies are the clouds on Earth. They are like little tiny puffballs that you just want to eat up. But that would make you Hitler too.

Chores suck. If you get paid for them, they aren't nearly as bad, but without the money, there is no point. I don't know about you, but when I have to do my chores, I can relate to how Harry Potter felt when he almost got his soul sucked out by a death-eater. Except chores are probably worse.

Mind one.

Glitter vs. Bruises
Glitter is great!!! No one hates glitter, even vampires like to sparkle, and they're supposed to be undead creatures of the night! Have a crappy campaign post? Glitter!!! Need to spice up your boring carpet? Glitter!! Need to cover up your hangover? Glitter!!!
Glitter fixes everything, its the duct tape of craft supplies. Wait, duct tape is the duct tape of craft supplies...oh that's awkward...

Bruises. No one wants bruises, not even vampires, and they're dead. When you get a bruise, you better pray to God that it's in some area that the public cannot see, because if its visible everyone and their secret lover wants to jab it repeatedly while chanting, "Does this hurt??".

Also.  Herpes. Enough said.

Mind two has balls in her hair...

Mind Two:

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you had to say something totally weird? Something that you thought you would never have to say. Or something that somebody else says and you can't help but laugh? It's just the right combination of words that make it seem weird. It happens to me all the time. Let me give you a few examples:

"Do I have any balls in my hair?"
"Don't throw Skittles at that horse!"
"Don't hit me in the face with a bike!" (Kid History Quote. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=80entLldZOg)
"Don't stab your sister with a fork!"
"Try not to drive on the side of the hill next time."
"Did you really think it was smart to stick the eraser up your nose?"
"Please get your foot out of my pants."

Mind one: Now I can add on to this!!

"Let me in there's rapists out here!!"
"No mom, stop dancing with my boyfriend..."
"I dont trust your feet."
"Did you just rip ass in the kitchen?"
"Dont pet me...."
"You should be barefoot, pregnant in the kitchen!!" (Sadly, I was told this after dying my hair red.)
"No mom. I will not tackle boyfriend."
"No mom, I will not let you lick my face."
"No step-boyfriend, its not okay to lock me out of the car WHEN THERE ARE RAPISTS OUT HERE!!"
"Don't make me go out this window."
"Why are you looking at me like you want to rape me?"
"No mom, I will never embarass you in my blog."

And this one is just for Mind two to see!! :D
"You know what they say about big noses...."
I'm tired of these one-liners. Awkward story time!!

Picture this. We are on break from, GUESS WHAT, drivers e.d. I'm standing at a water fountain, all I want at this moment, is refreshment. But no. That's not all I get. My best frined. (Thats an intentional typo. I'll tell that story sometime) Is standing next to me, you would think, being friends since I was three and she was two, I could trust her? Wrong... So very wrong. I'm just about to get my drink when suddenly. Something just touched my butt. What the hell? I spin to look, and all I see is a grinning freshman and my best frined standing there with a perfect what the #$%@ expression. This randomer totally grouped me at a water fountain... I'm staring at him trying to decide if I should kill him now, then run screaming, or run for a while, make a loop and kill him on my way past. Right about now is where Frined loses it and starts laughing hysterically. She waited until there was a random kid walking past, rear ended me, then faked suprise. I didnt know she was this good. Well played Frined, but now its my turn. *insert creepy saw movie laugh.*

Mantalia North and South Carolina LOPEZ!

Mind Two:

So my friend/doubles partner in tennis wanted me to write a story about her. I can only think of a few that are non-racist and still funny. So I will tell you how she got the name "Mantalia North and South Carolina LOPEZ!".

Mantalia:
One day, in tennis practice, we are playing and somebody says something about falsetto. My partner, Natalia, jumps in and says "Hey, I know what that is!"

Other friend: "How did you know that?"
Natalia: "I was in band."

Well my other friend mistook that for "I was a man." Which makes no sense. So then later, Natalia goes to hit the ball and my other friend yells "Go Mantalia!"

Natalia immediately cleared up the mistake, but the nickname stuck. What better way to turn something really funny and embarrassing into a nickname? Then later in practice, somebody was making fun of her so she said "I didn't like the male anatomy, so I converted!" Then another tennis member went off on her about converting. It was so funny.

Now the middle name. After tennis practice one day, we are all standing around in the hallway talking. Mantalia was there, and everyone was trying to guess her middle name (don't know why). She was giving us hints and one of them was "it is a state". So we went through all the states and when we got to North Carolina, she said stop. We were going through really fast, so she kind of said stop on North and South Carolina.

Us: "Your middle name is North Carolina?"
Mantalia: "No, its Caroline."

And another unfortunate nickname that stuck.

And finally, LOPEZ!

This happened at the same time as the middle name. Poor Natalia.
We are all standing around in the hallway, barely having just gotten over North and South Carolina. One of the freshman starts walking towards the door. Natalia shouts at her and says goodbye (insert full name here). Above mentioned freshman turns around and says "Bye Shania (insert last name here)", thinking it was me who shouted at her. Mantalia starts laughing, so freshman instantly knows it was her. She then said "Oh bye Natalia...I don't know your last name." Natalia says "it starts with and L." Freshman shouts back "Lopez!!"

Now, this was hilarious. See, Natalia is half Mexican. So when freshman heard "L" she immediately thought of Lopez. Can't say I blame her. I probably would have done the same thing.

Mind one!!! Wait, her last name isn't lopez?? Well, I feel like my whole life has been a lie...

Math Not Being Used In Real Life Part 2

I promised you guys the list of things that would be more fun than writing a trig paper...so here ya go.

1. Shoving a red hot ice pick through our temples.
2. Stepping on a landmine.
3. Getting a Grand Piano dropped on us.
4. Undergoing open heart surgery. …Without anesthetic.
5. Dipping our legs into a bucket of highly concentrated Hydrochloric acid.
6. Getting shot in the face. …With a bazooka.
7. Being dragged behind a train all the way to New York.
8. Going for a swim with man-eating sharks. …With an open wound.
9. Going deep sea diving. …With a boulder tied to our ankles.
10. Jumping out of a plane. …With a parachute that won’t open.
11. Doing the running of the bulls. …In a wheelchair.
12. Being dropped into a pit of asps. …Without Indiana Jones there to get us out.
13. Running a marathon. …On our hands.
14. Being a crash test dummy.
15. Being beat mercilessly by a black belt in karate.
16. Taking a baseball bat to the skull. …Repeatedly.
17. Repelling. …Alone. …With a frayed rope.
18. Being hit by a semi-truck. …Doing 80 on the interstate.
19. Getting trapped in a horror film.
20. Going bungee jumping. …With a “friend” that is trying to kill us.
21. Getting trampled by a crazed herd of elephants.
22. Being thrown out of a spaceship. ...Without a spacesuit or oxygen tank.
23. Hang gliding. …With a holey hand glider.
24. Getting eaten by an anaconda.
25. Committing mass suicide.
26. Hugging a hobo. (Mind Two came up with this one...all by herself!!)
27. Getting put into a wood chipper.
28. Getting a severe case of smallpox.
29. Slamming our heads in a car door.
30. Eating a stick of lit dynamite.
31. Being buried alive.
32. Cutting our hearts out. ...With an extremely dull butter knife.
33. Be thrown off the top of the Empire State building, by Hungarian Terrorists.
34. Being chased around by a psycho ax-murderer.
35. Writing a paper about anything else in the entire world.

Mind one!! :D

1. playing rock paper scissors with Edward Scissor hands
2. knuckle bumping freddy Kreuger.
3. Trying to remove your own tonsils with a chainsaw
4. Getting your heart cut out with a rusty spoon.
5. Spooning with Jabba the hut.

I give up. I'm going to go eat sour patch kids now...

Drinkers ed

Mind one:

The other day in drivers ed, we began to notice this horrific repition of events in class. The same set of annoying habits or happenings would repeat themselves. Over and over again... It's the kind of repition that inspire drinking games. And it did. We decided that since we were covering drinking and drugs in class that day we should base a drinking game off of our Drivers Ed class. Needless to say neither of us busted out a fifth of whiskey and started actually doing shots, but we did set down some guidelines. (Please, do not try this at home, you will die. Multiple times.)

Rules
1. You must only play this game while in a Drivers E.d. classroom.
2. You may never play this game without the presence of one or both of the minds.
3. You cannot create anymore rules after doing more than two shots.
4. You have to finish the game once its started.
5. You may not set a shot limit maximum.
6. The shots must be about someone else in the classroom.
Mind Two:

I am not going to tell you what all of the shots were for. Honestly, it's extremely insulting to certain people and probably a little racist. Also, i would really like to pass drivers ed so I can get my license...soon. (Ok, I will tell you one. Three shots everytime you get caught doing shots in Drivers Ed. But that is the only one I am going to tell you.) I will tell you this: we were up to 109 shots. That was just the base count, no repeats included. We figured that by now, with those 109 shots, we had probably died 3 times and our ghosts were dancing on tables and entering in wet t-shirt contests. (I know what your all thinking. Don't worry, we were totally winning.)

That face....

Mind one:

I have great facial expressions. I really do, and I have a face for every situation. I have an awkward face, a plethora of happy expressions, and so many different pissed off expressions. I'm bored. So I'm playing around on paint. I'll put a story underneath each picture so you understand!! (See how freakin kind I am...)

This is my "What-the-hell just happened" like mind two said below, I rarely have to say anything to be understood.

This is my sarcastic expression. Usually seen when someone completely misses my sarcasm, or when I don't even have to say anything to let them know they are retarded...



Mind Two:

It's true. She does. She even has a  what-the-hell just happened face. It is so great. She doesn't even have to speak, you can tell exactly what she is thinking by her face.